Should He Matter? (BXB)

Chapter 12 - Adrien

Adrien Walker

Groaning, I throw myself onto my bed.

Fuck.

How did I not know?

How was I so blind to what Luke was going through?

Adrien, you need to stop being such a selfish bastard.

Groaning again, I sit up.

I feel drained.

I just want to get into bed and ignore the world.

But I need to fix shit.

We can't go on like this.

I've talked things through with Luke, now I need to talk to Trevor.

I really really don't think I can face him.

What if he just points out other reasons that make me a shitty person. Other ways I've fucked up.

What if Trevor isn't as forgiving as Luke?

What if this is it for Trevor? The last straw. The final push he needed to tell me to fuck off for good.

I mean I really did hurt him.

Dad died, and Elaine left but Trevor was there, through it all he was always there. Forced me to leave the house, forced me to eat, forced me to continue. Was there for every breakdown, every meltdown. Helped me clean up after every anger outburst.

We didn't have any deep discussions, no searching for the meaning of life.

He was just there.

He just showed up.

He didn't leave.

When Charlie died I didn't do anything.

I wasn't there for Trevor.

I didn't show up.

I left.

I should have been doing everything he did for me two years ago.

I fucked up, massively.

Trevor has every right to not want me in his life. Every right to not forgive me.

Will I be able to fix things?

Come on Adrien, get it together, you need to speak to Trevor. There's no use stressing and overthinking things when I haven't even spoken to him yet.

Should I call him? Or go over?

Would he answer if I called?

It's after midnight, wouldn't he be sleeping?

Has he been sleeping?

I guess there's only one way to find out.

I finally manage to force myself out of my room.

Who's watching Rush Hour?

Ethan!

I forgot he was over.

I quickly make my way down the stairs, to see him curled up on the sofa with a blanket and eyes glued to the TV.

Should I leave him to it or let him know I'm going out?

"Hey," I call out, trying to catch his attention, which makes him jump, nearly flying off the sofa.

I can't help but laugh.

Like full-on, shaking, hands on knees laughing.

Oh man, I needed this.

I manage to catch my breath, I look over at him to see him staring right back at me, "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. You alright?"