Kylo + Quinn: Book 1: Trauma Bound - Chapter 1: The Last Harlequin

Ch. 1.1 - DRIVER's License

A fighter style space craft, that oddly resembles a batmobile, careens outside the Earth's atmosphere. It races rather recklessly away from Earth with sporadic movements. The muffled sound of the song "Drivers License" by Olivia Rodrigo blares from within. The craft swerves, narrowly missing a satellite and zooms on, heading further from Earth.

Piloting the vehicle is none other than Harley Quinn, struggling to keep the wheel straight as she scream-sings along to the finest breakup jams. A red warning light blinks, lighting up her tear-stained face. Mascara runs down her cheeks and her lipstick is smeared. She bellows, "Cuz you said forever while I fly alone out in space!" She's in rough shape, crying and laughing at the song, distracted by the challenge of driving a new vehicle.

--Hi, Harley here. I know what you're thinking... Where does a gal like me find a sweet ride like this? Well, the last thing I remember is stealing it from that hunky Wayne guy's mansion. I also may or may not have blown up the Ace chemical factory. What?! I had a few too many margaritas while celebrating my recent emancipation from my pudd- I mean, Mista...ugh that JOKE of a wannabe Gotham-ruling kingpin. Good luck trying to take down Batsy Klein without me now, you pissy purple psychopath. Point is, I had a breakup to celebrate. Saw this thing sitting in Bruce's driveway while I was looking for my shoe. I lost it in the Ace explosion...I think. It's all a bit blurry. Apparently, blasting acid and chemicals into the air has its side effects...along with tequila. Anyways, as a newly liberated woman, I decided to seize life's new opportunities and go for a joy ride. When life hands you a space ship, you jump in and blast Taylor Swift. Speaking of which...--

She changes the song to Bad Blood by Taylor Swift. A new warning light flashes brightly and an alert blares. Harley smashes the source of the light with her fist. "Would you SHUT UP! You're interrupting T Swifty and I've got a migraine coming on!" Those margaritas were not seeming like such a good idea right about now. --Don't drink and drive, kids...Or drink and Driv-er. *No spoilers!*--

She grabs the bottle of Casamigos sitting next to her in her pet taxidermy beaver's arms and takes a swig. "What?" She looks at Beaver like it's telling her something. "Quit judging!" She takes another swig of tequila and sings along, "Now we got problems and I don't think we can solve 'em. HEY!"

A bright light, like a headlight, suddenly shines through the side window. She shields her eyes and tries to get a closer look, "Miles from Earth and I still hit rush hour traffic!? Turn off your brights, you jizzwad!" She smashes the middle of the steering wheel, hoping it's a horn...or something that will communicate her road rage. An alarm blares as a rocket fires off ahead and smashes into a satellite. Harley watches the explosion in shock,"Oops."

Cut to Earth, where the entirety of Russia goes dark. At Elon Musk's Space X launch, a rocket that was firing upward does an immediate nose dive. The crowd gasps. Donald Trump looks at his cell phone, "Hello? Puddin- I mean, Putin? ... Melania, Vlad hung up on me again!" He wails and slaps his flip phone closed aggressively. Melania sighs and looks out the window longingly at the steady rain. Harley's reflection from her windshield appears in the glass of Melania's window. And we're back.

Harley stares at the satellite debris floating in flames in front of her. "Not what I was going for, but I guess that solves someone's problem. This night is just full of surprises. I wonder what else this thing can-" Before she can finish her thought the aircraft slams to a halt. She goes flying forward against the seatbelt. "Glad I buckled up..."
--Always wear a seatbelt, kids.--

She looks out the window at the bright ass light streaming in. Her aircraft is now suspended motionless in a larger vehicle's rays. She mutters to herself, "Am I being abducted?" She squints to see through the light, but can't make anything out.

With a jolt, the craft starts moving into some sort of bay of a much larger ship. Unbuckling, she crawls into the back seat to look out a different window frantically uttering, "Shit shit shit...What am I getting myself into?" She digs around under the seat for her bat.

The vehicle comes to a halt in the middle of the hangar. She looks at Beaver, takes another swig of tequila and mumbles, "Sorry buddy, every beaver for herself."

Taylor Swift is still blasting and can be heard outside the ship, "🎵 And baby now we've got bad blood!🎵" The ship suddenly drops to the floor with the final "🎵HEY!🎵" of Bad Blood.

Harley flies upward, hitting her head on the ceiling as the craft falls.
-- What did I tell you? ALWAYS, wear your seatbelt. --

She rubs her head and looks at the blood in her hand. "Now THAT'S some bad blood." Her hand starts fading as the world starts growing darker and darker around her. "Shit. These fuckers better keep their slimy alien paws to themselves..." She weakly holds herself up on all fours, trying to force consciousness as the hatch opens.

Several shadowy figures surround her as the next song on her playlist blasts. Of course, it's another Taylor Swift jam, "I Knew You Were Trouble" blasts.

She stands up on wobbly legs, and attempts to raise her bat at the shapes. One large figure, dressed in all black, reaches out towards her with his leather-gloved hand. To her surprise, her bat flies out of her weakened grasp. What the hell? Did she just drop it? Bad time for a concussion.

Confused, she loses stability and collapses with loss of consciousness. The refrigerator of a being catches her before she hits the ground. It was hard to see, but it seemed human. "Don't touch what you can't afford, mister," Harley mutters at the shape before going completely limp in his arms.

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