The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 64 - Distance and Doors

Spending the night with Harry brought me calm. It truly did which honestly infuriated me.

I was hurt.

I was so incredibly hurt inside by the personal cards he used against me in the Sleep No More show. It broke my heart. How could the guy that I cared for so terribly, be so awful? It made me second-guess him.

I could not be doing that right now though. I had a performance, the biggest career move to date, and I was dependent on him to not only catch me but stand beside me. I had to forgive him, for right now. I was not going to leave on the back burner forever, it wasn't possible. I was not okay with what he did and how he treated me, how he allowed others to treat me. I would revisit this; it was needed because it altered my perception of him. I didn't want to lose the sweetheart who could bake for me and who played with my hair, who compared me to a star and thought I was beautiful. I didn't want to lose the beautiful man who was so deep I could drown, drown in a way that was starting to seem beautiful.

I slept over on Tuesday and I was resting Wednesday night after practice, Harry was out. He was very distant with me emotionally, physically, and mentally. Harry was not being very supportive. I didn't know why. I chalked it up to his own stress about the performance, he was very key in it too. Zayn hadn't been here since I started staying, thankfully. That would have been awkward.

I was surfing channels, zonking out to the world around me. The show was incredibly close, and all I had been doing was dancing and doing my best. The keys jingled in the door and it popped open, Harry coming in looking so... tired.

"Hey," I spoke.

"Hi," he sighed.

"Everything okay?"

He shrugged and went to the kitchen, taking down a thing of blue berry flavored almonds. He sat on the couch and started eating in silence, just watching TV. He was ignoring me, well, he really wasn't, he wasn't doing anything. That was the problem.

I got up and I walked behind him on the couch. I gripped his shoulders and he jumped, I laughed.

"Relax, please."

I started rubbing his shoulders, gentle squeezing. He was in so tense, so stiff. I started rubbing my thumbs in circles, pressing into his skin, he dropped his head forward and groaned.

"You okay Harry?"

"Fine," he let go of a breath. "Damn, can you go in more?"

I smiled a bit and kept going, wanting to touch him, relax him. I was still unsettled with him, and he had been distant, but I really believed it was the stress of the show.

"Oh," he groaned again. I giggled. "Thanks Dot."

"You're welcome, I hope everything is okay." I whispered. "We haven't been talking much."

"Things are crazy, you know that."

"I do, that's very true. It's been very busy. I think it'll be okay," I only lied a little.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever happens happens," I agreed and kept working on his back.

"Does that feel better?" I spoke a while later and he rolled his shoulders with a heavy exhale.

"So much, thanks, come here," he waved me over and I sat on the floor in front of him. He tugged my oversized V neck down and placed his warm palms flat on my shoulders, starting to knead them. I sighed, just feeling his hands made me so relaxed.

"Mmm," I breathed out.

"Harder or no?"

"I'm surprised you didn't giggle after you said that," I knew he was smirking. "And this is perfect, thank you."