The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 58 - Bold (Mature)

Time was such a tricky thing, wasn't it?

It passes around you constantly, dependently. You always know time will fade with every second, and every breath. It was this incredibly stable thing though, you always knew time would pass but the fragility it held was so overwhelming to me.

I was thinking an awful lot about time lately.

The show was approaching, this very strong force in my life was rushing at me full force and I truly didn't know if I was prepared for it. Time was slipping from my grasp, no matter how tightly I tried to grip it and drag my feet.

I was seeing how strongly I needed to further exploring what was inside of me fully, what lurked inside of my heart and mind. What could possibly be under the surface? What was my true depth?

I kept thinking of Harry.

I kept thinking of all we had done together, especially after our intimate conversation and day spent together when he spoke of us past in Russia. I met his mother. I got on a level with him that I don't think either of us were expecting. We traveled somewhere in time together, somehow.

I was thinking more and more. I kept thinking of sexuality, of red lips, passion and lustful kisses. I kept thinking of nails clawing at his naked back, of putting him exactly where I wanted him. I kept thinking of Odile. I kept reading up on her, up on the whole ballet in what little free time I had, Harry had been working me. He had me dancing from dusk to dawn but that's what I needed. I think he needed the distraction, too.

At the same time, I had basic desires that I wanted to explore. I didn't feel shame in it, not anymore. I used to be so bashful if my mind wandered to something rather inappropriate but now it just... welcomed it. Why not? What was so damn wrong with it? Nothing, I've learned that, absolutely nothing.

"Sarah?"

I paced around my room, tugging on my hair. I was thankful for a distraction. She had called me up and I missed it, too entranced by my incredibly blush worthy fantasy.

"Hey, oh I called you because I wanted to know if you'd want to get your nails done with me but she canceled my appointment anyhow, her kids are sick or something."

"Oh, all right, thank you for the thought."

"Are you okay? Your voice sounds wonky."

I hiccupped a bit and sat on my bed. 'I want to be really sexy."

"Sexy?"

I thought of something that I failed miserably at that was on my sexuality list.

"The dirty talk... still way out of my comfort zone."

"You're really stressing over a prick like Harry."

"Hey, don't. It's not about him."

"Oh sorry, sorry," I heard the clank of her dishwasher. "I vote you just... find your zone, right? Find that one sexual thing and kick ass at it, build it from that. You're good at blow jobs? You expand on it, get a ring, get gloves, and wear something slutty, you know what I'm saying?"

Her words were blunt and shockingly... on point.

"Thanks Sarah."

"No problem, I have to run and meet up with some family for dinner. I'll see you at work."

I said goodbye and laid back, drumming my finger nails on the phone. My sexual comfort zones? She was right about oral sex but how many times could Harry have that before he got bored? I mean... I could always make it a marathon type deal, where it's only focused on him? We had been having sex now but I wouldn't say that was something I was very confident in.