The Black Swan | Reposted

Chapter 68 - The Show

I was pacing.

My heart was doing this very intense pounding that didn't feel real. It was this odd wave, this sudden flutter and almost a flat line. I felt as if I were to be dying.

Wasn't dying supposed to be simple? In the movies, unless it's some horrific horror movie, the dead lay simply till they slip away. It's painless and easy.

This was some intense wave, this intense emotional and physical distress. It was rooted in my heart; it was deep inside that felt like it'd kill me from the inside out.

I'm surprised I wasn't dead by now. So many parts of me had died. I think parts of my heart were gray and black, parts of my mind that Harry touched with his memories and voice that flowed through burned out. I felt like my insides were on fire and soon I'd be nothing but ash.

I didn't have time to think of my impending demise too in-depth.

I had a show.

I hadn't seen Harry. I was dressed as Odette, the White Queen. My makeup was beautiful, as was my costume. My white head piece was clean and bright, making me feel delicate. My Black Swan costume lingered in the corner.

My heart was racing, my fingers trembling, I was alone from everyone. I wanted to be alone. I was trying to get in the head space for this night, but how? After everything, after all that was spinning around me, I truly had to somehow function? I was trying to be resilient and tough but God I felt broken and weak.

"I can't, I can't do this." I gasped and froze, wishing I could get the hell out.

I heard a knock and I jumped.

"Dottie?" I heard Harry whisper. I was shocked he was in here. The sound of his voice was like a bunch to the face in truth, this intense smack.

He had just been on stage for Act One.

"Go. I can't. I can't cry. I have my makeup done." I shouted and pointed my finger at him, raising my arm up as a pathetic attempt to come off strong and distant.

He came in anyway, looking so handsome as the prince. His face was shiny and a bit sweaty from dancing. His body looked flawless in his costume which was fitted perfectly to him. He came over and held my face with this firm, tight grasp.

"We don't have much time before curtain for Act Two." The way his eyes were so intense, almost electric, made me focus and not push him off. "I just want you to know, all this shit..." he shook his head, his hand sliding to my lower back. He met my eyes. 'You are stronger than all of it. You can block it out. You can take this stage and you can nail it. You will be incredible. Be you Odette. Forget me; forget your mom and everything that will happen after that curtain falls. Be the first Graff on this stage. Take their breath away like you do to me all the time.'

My heart swelled. He pulled my face up and kissed me.  It was this quick but kind kiss, which was full of affection, and a bit of concern.

"You look beautiful." He kissed my forehead and spun, disappearing.

I gasped because his words caused me to forget how to breathe, and gripped the counter by the mirror. My knees were quaking.

So much unraveled so fast but I thought of what Harry said. Be the first Graff on this stage. Take their breath away like you do to me all the time.

I slowly raised my head and I got so angry at everything. I was done being Odette

"Dot, time to go!" a stage hand called to me and I nodded, slowly walking out.

Odette Graff was done, and now, when my feet hit that stage, I would become the White Queen. I was leaving it all behind me. Every fucking moment of crap, the smutty dancing, the kissing, the lies, the betrayals, it was all behind me. I was proving them all wrong.