Jiwa

Chapter Twenty-Seven

A/N: This chapter takes place around a month after the previous chapter.

I sat on a beanbag, pretending to do my homework but instead, scribbling on a paper aimlessly, doing nothing. The smell of buah from the stall was almost enough to make me get u and buy some.

"Hey, Fiona?" said a voice. I glanced over my shoulder. For a moment, I saw the face of Priscilla Peculier, making sure I was OK. Then I blinked and saw Devi, standing behind me, with a burning question.

More to the point, she looked so nice in that little tweed skirt and cream-colored sweater! And I loved the cute bun she had at the nape of her neck-

I shivered and repeated my mantra to myself.

Only think this way about boys. You love her as a friend. Much as I hated the mantra, I knew it was necessary.

My mother said so.

"Hey, Fee! I was wondering if..." Devi trailed off and balled her fists. Then she cursed under her breath and looked me in the eyes. "Hey Fiona, I was wondering if you would like to go with me to the nearby village of Braie for dinner this weekend?"

She paled and turned away. My insides turned themselves inside out. Yes! Thousand times yes, OMG, I've been waiting for you-

"Yeah sure, sounds fun, Devs!" I replied enthusiastically. She grinned and beamed with joy. "Great! I'll see you then! I have to get to class, so bye for now?" I nodded, beaming myself, and waved and she sprinted through the atrium.

I sank deeper into the beanbag, burying my head in my hands. It's not a date, it's not a date, it's not a date.

"Hey Fee?" I looked up to see Kelly, with a worried expression on her face. "You were rocking back and forth...are you OK?" I glanced at her and nodded. "Are you sure?" I nodded again, then paused shook my head. I could feel my eyes welling up.

"Oh, Fee fee," said Kelly sadly. She opened her arms and I sank into them, my tears soaking her shirt. "Of all the things this school has, they don't have a counselor..." she muttered. "What your mother said is not true! No matter how many times I say it, you don't seem to get that!"

"Only think that way about boys," I said to her, my voice wobbling as I repeated my mother's mantra. "You think you love her, but you love her as a friend."

"No, Fiona! Please, your mother is wrong! You have to stop saying that, OK? Promise me that, Feefee." I nodded sullenly, and Kelly patted my head. She spotted Joan across the atrium and waved her over.

"Joan! Hey! I was wondering if it would be OK if Fiona here could be the third wheel on our date to the city tonight?" Joan had joined the gang a week ago, and since then, she and Kelly had been joined at the hip.

"Yes, of course! Happy to have ya, Fiona!" I managed a smile up at Joan. 

Her hair had been dyed a platinum blue, and her lips had been painted to match. She was wearing a sleeveless blouse, with a blue and white scarf, embroidered with the seal of South Korea. Around her waist were a white school-issued raglan and a pair of white jeans. Blue and white Converse completed the look.

"Kells, what did you say we were having again?" she asked in her sing-song voice. "Gula-gula," Kelly reminded her. Joan giggled and repeated the phrase to herself.

"Kelly, I'm really not sure if I should go with Devi. I don't want her to think I'm a-"

"Fiona Murphy, you stop saying that right now! Right now," mumbled Kelly. My lip began quivering. Joan wrapped Kelly and me in a hug and gave me a sympathetic look over Kelly's shoulder.

"No, wait...I didn't mean..." I trailed off as I was released for the hug, and stared at my shoes. Joan sighed, and said, "I'll pick you ladies up tonight at five PM, alright?" I nodded sullenly. She quickly kissed Kellys' cheek and walked off.

"Oh, Joan," sighed Kelly, collapsing onto a beanbag next to me. I sighed and continued to stare at my shoes dejectedly. They were a pair of Mary Janes that I had purchased with my mother on my last trip to Ireland. My last trip to Ireland. That had been the beginning of the end, as Kelly liked to say. I shivered at the memory, and Kelly pouted.

Pulling herself up from the beanbags, she said, "C'mon, Fee fee, let's have you take a nap. Can't have you falling asleep on my date!" I sighed and allowed myself to be dragged into a standing position and up the stairs to our dorm. As I laid down, I heard Kelly fussing over what dress she should wear. The green one or the gray one? she mused. I nodded vaguely and suggested maybe a blouse and skirt might be better? She quickly dismissed this and kept on fussing over her dresses.

"Y'know, I might not wanna go with you guys tonight..." Kelly sighed, frustrated, and turned to me.

"Fee, you've gotta come! You need to do something fun, alright? We've had plenty of other dates, it's much more important to us that you get out and be social." I nodded and yelped as Kelly tossed a white shirt and green overalls at me.

"Change; no one likes the uniform on the town."

~

"Whaddya want to drink, Kells?" asked Joan, scanning the menu. "I think I want to have some juice." Kelly nodded, and said, "That sounds good. Fiona?" they turned and looked expectantly at me. I wrapped my arms around myself and shook my head. Juice was what I'd been served in that parlor-

"I think just water for me, thanks," I said, sighing. Joan and Kelly nodded and hunched again together over the menu. I gulped as I looked around the restaurant. A very familiar bruise on my back started throbbing. Everything around me reminded me of my last visit to Ireland.

HOW DARE YOU? screamed my mother. HOW DARE YOU EVER THINK OF SUCH THINGS, YOU-

"Fiona?" I was jolted back to reality by the glass of water, placed in front of me on the table. I gulped it down, the ice chilling my throat.

"Fiona? You don't look so good," said Joan nervously. I nodded, then shook my head, then slumped into my chair, the flashbacks becoming too much.