Hopelessly Obsessed (KomaHina)

17: What I Couldn't Do For Him

A/N: A little something to keep in mind before the chapter starts, this chapter (and probably the next one too) has themes of darker thoughts and feelings. There are warnings on the specific parts where it is mentioned, but since it plays a larger role, here's your warning. Please reach out for help if you feel this way, yo are beautiful and loved and have the right to a life filled with happiness. With that out of the way, enjoy :)

Chiaki's POV:

Komaeda-kun comes back just before the bell rings, signalling the end of lunch. Hinata-kun and I were in our separate groups but both of us were focused on Komaeda-kun. Ibuki-chan was ranting about something to Pekoyama-san and I, and it looks like Hinata-kun was dragged off by Soda-kun, probably something about Sonia-san.

As soon as he walks in, we left our groups to join him (I pressed a kiss to Ibuki-chan's cheek and told her I'd be back, but it seems like Hinata-kun just wordlessly left Soda-kun to obsess over Sonia-san in peace.) Komaeda-kun is staring at the ground and doesn't notice us straight away. So naturally, he jumps a little when he looks up. "O-Oh," He stammers after calming down, "It's just you t-two..." His voice is shaking and there appears to be redness around his eyes. He looks...he looks so much like-

"Hey, you okay? What was that about with Yukizome-Sensei?" Hinata-kun says, abandoning his normal blunt and tired tone for a sympathetic tone. "I'm alright, it was nothing important..." His husky voice is even more hushed than usual. Hinata-kun and I trade a glance, both fully aware he's lying. "Komaeda..." Hinata-kun seems to be searching his expression, trying to find something to say. "Seriously, are you okay?" Hinata-kun reaches out, probably to hold and calm down his wildly shaking hands. Komaeda-kun squeezes his eyes shut and bites down on his lip hard.

Suddenly, Komaeda-kun slapped Hinata-kun's hand away, opening his eyes to finally make eye-contact. "I told you already, I'm fine!" We both blink a bit in surprise at Komaeda-kun's sudden outburst, dumbfounded. "Look," he says sternly, "I know you're just trying to help. I get that. But you never believe me when I tell you I'm fine. You always look at me like a kicked puppy, like the only reason you're even around me is because you pity me. It's like you want me to be sad."

Hinata-kun has a surprised but sad look in his eyes, and I just don't know what to say. "I-I'm sorry?" Hinata-kun says after a short pause, "I-I was just...trying to help..."

"Well, I don't need your help. All you two do is force me to talk about things I don't want to until I break down. That isn't helping," He's hissing these words, in a very passive-aggressive tone. Like he's trying really hard not to yell at us. "Komaeda..." Hinata-kun almost seems heartbroken. I could make a joke about the love of his life being upset with him, but now's really not the time.

Before the conversation can progress any further, the bell rings, and everyone takes their seats.

(Time skip to after school, still Chiaki's POV:)

Hinata-kun and I couldn't focus during class. It seems like Komaeda-kun wasn't paying attention either. I really don't know what to do. Did he never want to get close to us in the first place? Did he always want to be left alone? But...he seemed so happy with us. Was that all a lie?

As soon as we're dismissed, Komaeda-kun picks up his things and is one of the first out of the classroom. I see Hinata-kun lunge after him, and I follow, albeit a fair distance away. I hear Hinata-kun's voice call out, "Komaeda, wait-!"

"Just leave me alone," I see Komaeda-kun turn glance backwards and hiss those words. And even though he was only looking in our direction for a couple of seconds before walking away, I'm certain I saw tears. So...is he upset because he does want to be close to us...? Or he is upset because we won't leave him alone? I can't tell what he's thinking. I can't tell and it scares me. I hate not knowing what people are thinking. Because not knowing what's happening in someone's head could be the death of them. And I could never let myself fail again. One person was bad enough, I couldn't live with myself if I failed to care for two people...I couldn't live with myself if Komaeda-kun also...also...