Listen before I go

Chapter 10; Opening up.

Hey peps you might want to Listen to the 'Won't let go' by Black match.

I didn't realize it but I fell asleep too. We both awoke to the pound noises from the pub across the street.

"Looks like we slept too much Huh?" I said with a chuckle.
"Looks like it? Girl,we did!" He said and laughed. I laughed too.

Cole seemed to be doing better compared to how he was yesterday and I was glad. He went into the kitchen and made me his special milkshake.

I giggled when I saw him holding it in his hands.
"What do I have to do for you to stop making me those?" I laughed.
"Well you'll have to die first, obviously. That's the only way." He joked.
"Oh yeah? Well then consider your wish granted. I'm ordering some poison" I joked back. We looked at eachother and laughed.

He handed me the milkshake. I took it from him and took a sip.
"Okay honestly? I must say. This is actually quite good. Where'd you learn how to make it?" Asked him
"Well when you're young and live without parents with a little sister who always wants to have a milkshake,you learn how to make it." He responded.
"Oh okay. So I owe it to Tina that I get to enjoy such a wonderful delicacy." I said, instantly regretting I said that.
"Yes you do" he responded.

Cole was one of those people,he would never miss out on a good laugh because of his pain. It wasn't because he was bottling all his feelings in but because that was his way of dealing with pain,by having fun. I admired that about him,the fact that we can even joke about my depression and my other issues and now his is just wonderful. He was one of the best friends I've had in a while,maybe the only I've ever really had,come to think of it.

We sat there quietly and enjoyed the milkshake Cole had made. I agree that fee minutes of silence. It made me uneasy so I was glad when Cole finally broke the silence.

"So can I ask you a question?" He asked.
"Of course. Anytime." I responded with a smile. "But before that let me just say you're on the best friends I've had and I like how we can just communicate without it getting weird  and I want to be open with you maybe I'll even take your advice sometimes" I said with a laugh.
"Feeling's mutual Bill!" He said and raised his cup to meet mine. I chuckled.
"So my question is why do you have so many colours in your hair and is that even your real hair?" He asked.

I laughed,almost choking on my drink.

"What?" He asked amused.
"Oh it's nothing. It's just when you said you wanted to ask me a question I thought you would ask a rather super super serious question and this is what you came up with? Wow!" I explained.
"Whatever" he rolled his eyes.
"Well if you're that curious I'll tell you,it's just I couldn't decide on which colour my hair should be.

"Naturally,they're really black but this one time I wore a red wig and I looked great in it. I tried on different colours and they looked great too so I just figured I'll have all of them. But the real reason is because you know,every colour has its meaning,a different emotion attached to it and my emotions are always so mixed up and messed up so it made sense to wear so many colours because I feel and relate to all of them." I explained.

"Wow!,I thought it's like your style or something but your explanation is so much deeper and understandable,it's amazing!." He said in reply.

For the rest of the evening,we spoke about our lives to eachother. I have never felt so connected to anyone,I spoke to him from my heart,I said everything and anything that came to mind and it all came out so easily. He was honest with me too.

He told me of the ordeals he had to go through just so he could make his sister comfortable. They had a string connection from what he tells me and I know he misses her,he's bound too. They were born at the same time so they're literally soulmates and now with his other half gone,I knew he must be in pain. He told me how he struggled in school and how he got into some ivy League colleges but couldn't go because they didn't have enough money and because his sister didn't get in and he didn't want to leave her behind. They did everything together growing up. He shared so many memories with me. The pranks they pulled as kids,the good and the bad things they did and basically everything. It was like watching a Netflix movie when I listening to him. I realized he was as much of a homebody as I was. Tina,his deceased sister was the social one. She was the one who kept pulling him along whenever she went out. She pushed him to have fun,she "exposed him to a world of fun and enjoyment". He also said how he intends to keep enjoying the rest of his life as a way of staying in connection with Tina and I agreed that he should. He didn't have many friends growing up either so I guess he was just like me.

I opened up to him about my nightmares,how I got into drugs unwillingly,how I was exploited as a child and the trauma I go through on a daily basis. I told him how I've gotten really good at pretending I was okay when in reality I wasn't. I spoke to him about how I sometimes overthink everything and end up hurting myself in teh process. I told him I was actually scared of dying and that I only hurt myself just so that people would realize how much I was actually hurting inside.

So basically,that night,we opened up to eachother. We had a very long and intense conversation for hours!. When we realized it,it was hours after midnight and we hadn't even eaten yet. Thankfully there was a twenty four hour delivery restaurant in the city. We ordered some pizza, actually,lots of pizza. We ate to our hearts' content and fell asleep just a few hours to daylight.

_____________________
Sometimes all we need is to have a conversation,a heart to heart as it's called. We can't push people to open up to us. We mustn't! But what we can do is to assure them that we'll be there to listen should they choose to open up to us.
When people pour out their hearts to us,the least we could do is listen. Making fun of their feelings no matter how cheesy they are is not right. If we do that,we might end up forcing the person into a dark hole they may never be able to come out of,ever again. When people trust us enough to put out their hearts to us,it's only decent to trust them enough to tell them how we also feel.

Nketia💕