Listen before I go

Chapter 11: Trust.

Hey peps  'Homebody' by Tatiana Manaois was the mood when I wrote this chapter.

Feeling much better,we got our of bed that day and it seemed everything was getting back to normal,well,our normal at least.

Cole was going to see the funeral home so they'd prepare Tina's funeral. I had nowhere to go. I didn't want to go with him,not because I didn't want to but because I thought he needed to see to this on his own. I made Allan in my head to eat ice cream and watch an 80's movie for the rest of the day until..

"Billie!" He said my name.
"Waddup?" I replied,still fidgeting with my hair.
" I'm going to the funeral home, anything you need?" He asked.
"Yeah,get me a full boutique when you go out there,I need to look more pretty!" I yelled out to him.

Cole went to the funeral home as planned. Few minutes after he left,Mrs Jean came in.

"Mrs Jean?" I said as I saw her inter the room. I least expected to see her that day so I was very surprised that she came there.
"Billie!" She said as she walked to me and gave me a kiss on my cheeks.
"Hi. What are you doing here?" I asked her bluntly.
"Well,I just came to fix a few things" she said and stopped.
"Some things? What things?" I asked her.

Before she could answer,the door burst open and some men walked in. I looked at them strangely, wondering what they could possibly want.
Apparently,Mrs Jean had hired them to come and install CCTV cameras in my apartment.

I stood still for a while ,the whole time,Mrs Jean was trying to get me to understand what was going on but my mind just kept spinning in circles. I couldn't think straight. She shook me and that's when I came to my senses.
"Billie?!" She yelled "are you even listening to me?" She asked.

At that moment,all I could think of was Cole. I grabbed my phone,went straight to my room and called Cole. I couldn't finish what I trying to say to him because as I was talking,my heart started to race,my breath became unstable,the world started to spin,I dropped my phone and tried to reach the bed but I fell before I even got close enough!. I was having a panic attack. There were thoughts rushing through my mind,thoughts I had tried so hard over the past few weeks to push away from head. They just won't stop, different thoughts colliding with eachother,my breathing becoming more and more unstable,it went really fast then became really slow till I could hardly  breath.

"Billie!,Billie?!" I heard Cole tell out from the living room.
"Cole? What are you doing here? What's wrong?" Mrs Jean said.
"Where's Billie?!" He asked her.
"She's in her room. Why? What's wrong?" Mrs Jean inquired.

From the floor of my bedroom my dimmed eyes saw as Cole rushed into the bedroom. He came inside and there I was,Lying on the floor and hardly breathing. My panic attacks came like Asthmatic ones but I was not asthmatic. I kept muttering out words that I couldn't even hear myself. I took a deep breath as I was feeling suffocated and Cole reached out to hold me. Mrs Jean entered and asked Cole to pick me up,he tried but I was getting too frantic to even stay still so he gave up. Instead,he knelt down by me on the floor.

"Hey,hey, Bill." He began "listen to me,I'm right here,Mrs Jean is right here too, whatever it is we can sort it out,you don't have to worry about anything,just try to calm yourself and catch your breath." He said.
His words were soothing to my ears so I began to catch my breath carefully. "That's right. You're doing great now try to uncoil yourself and please keep calm,getting frantic won't help any of us, please,just remain calm. Everything is going to be alright. It will be,it has to be!" He said.

Gradually,I caught on to my breath. When I was calm enough,I wrapped my hands around Cole tightly and I cried on his shoulders. He stayed calm and quiet as I cried on his shoulders. Eventually,I calmed down completely.

"That's it,deep breaths. You will be okay, alright." He said and he wiped my tears off my face. Mrs Jean stood and watched in silence as Cole took care of me.
"There now. Now talk to me,what's wrong? What happened?" He asked.
I told him about the CCTVs Mrs Jean wanted to install and how it made me feel and he told me not to worry.
"Don't worry,I'll talk to Mrs Jean,don't worry" he said.

I stayed in the bedroom while he went to speak to Mrs Jena who was now in the living room.
"I'm sorry but you can't install the cameras."I heard him say.
"I'm sorry but I will." Mrs Jean replied.
"No! You won't,you can't,you shouldn't! I mean,what's the point of this anyway!" He asked her.
"To monitor Billie!" Mrs Jena replied rather aggressively.
"What?! Isn't that what I'm here for?! And besides,Billie doesn't even like them!" He explained.
"Look here,Billie doesn't go to see her therapists as often as she needs to,she doesn't send me her journals after she's written in them,she doesn't talk to me, nothing! You don't even report back to me anymore! I have to find someway to make sure Billie is okay!" Mrs Jean practically yelled at him!.
"Alright,you win. I understand. I'll report to you when you need to know something and I'll make sure Billie's visits to her therapists are on schedule but those cameras? That's too much! " Cole argued.
"Well it's not too much,it's exactly what she needs!" Mrs Jean argued back " if she knew a camera was on her,she wouldn't slit her wrists!" Mrs Jean yelled.
"Look,I understand you know her more than I do and you know what's best for her but right now,Billie is making a lot of progress. She opened up to me. She's told me everything she's feeling,stuff that she couldn't bring herself to tell her therapists even after so many years! And you know what?Billie is not comfortable with those therapists,you want her to talk to therapists,find her new ones! But right now,she's in a better place than before,I can assure of that. But those cameras are going to break her again! You saw what the mere sight of them did to her!" Cole fought back.
"Why are the cameras so bad?!" Mrs Jean asked.
"Because! It's invading her privacy! And that will make her anxious! She doesn't want them!" Cole said.
"It's not about what she wants,it's about what she needs!" Mrs Jean shot back.
"What she needs,is to be trusted!." Cole said.

There was silence in the room for a short while them Cole spoke.
"Mrs Jean,give me a month and if you still think you need to,you can install the cameras!. "
There was silence on Mrs Jean's part after what Cole said. She seemed to be in deliberation. After a few minutes,she spoke.
"Fine. One month." She agreed.

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Trust. How hard it is to win,how easy it is to lose. Trust,its a main pillar for all relationships. When people are at their lowest, showing trust can help them out themselves together. Trusting someone doesn't only mean trusting them with a huge sum of money. It also means trusting, believing in them enough to take risks for them, believing that they're strong enough. Sometimes*even if* the person isn't strong enough,trusting them and making them trust in themselves would give them the needed strength to navigate the strong winds of life. Trusting someone even pushes them to go all out to do something because they feel like they owe it to us to make our trust in them worth it. Trust. It's a heavy word.

Nketia💕