VIOLENT DELIGHTS, aaron hotchner

a reminder of authenticity

A week of radio silence from Spencer passes. He responded with an 'OK' after Hotch texted him to take as much time as he needs, but other than that, no one on the team knows how he's doing.

Everyone has their own way of reaching out, Garcia with goodie baskets, Morgan with joking, yet loving, voicemails, and JJ with motherly texts. Juliette's left one voicemail for Spencer with the contact information for Maeve's parents so they could give him funeral information, which was held the following Tuesday under the moonlight.

She's been withdrawn in the days after Maeve died, a surprise to no one. Juliette doesn't mean to worry Aaron, she just finds processing her emotions easier alone, but he still does. She works at her desk with earbuds in, ignoring the bullpen from 9-5 until she can wordlessly return home. They spend one week working from the office, but soon cases pile up and the team is needed in New York.

Juliette wants to give Spencer space, but the morning they're meant to fly out to the city, worry overwhelms Juliette. Aaron allows her to stay behind, most likely out of sympathy for how personal the situation is, and work the case remotely.

So while the rest of the team boards the jet, Juliette makes the drive to Spencer's apartment. She doesn't receive a response to knocking on his door, not that she expected one, so she just starts talking. "Hey Spencer, it's Juliette. I know you don't want to see anyone, but I have some stuff I really want to say. Do you think you could just... knock twice if you're there?"

It takes a moment, but two slow knocks come from the wall next to his door. Juliette smiles through the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, turning to sit against the wall.

"Aaron suggested I talk about Griffin's death, but I'm not sure that would do any good. I'll give you the story if you'd like, I'd have to come inside because it might make some people mad, but I doubt sympathy for me would help."

She continues, "I do know that isolating yourself won't help. After Griff's funeral, I shut everyone out. I didn't talk to any of our friends, I didn't speak to my mom for years, I transferred to a team that didn't speak to each other unless we had to. I thought it was better that way, for a really long time. Then I joined this team, and I think I've realized that was one of biggest mistakes of my life."

"I still grieve Griffin every day, but now I have people to lean on, people to make me laugh, reasons to move on, because I know that's what he would've wanted. So, you can shut yourself out from this team if you really want, but I'm telling you family is a gift, and they can help if you let them."

Juliette waits for what feels like forever, wondering if he was even listening, until Spencer opens the door from his spot on the floor. She carefully enters, sitting next to him against the wall and listening to his sniffles. "I don't deserve anyone."

Her heart breaks for him, knowing how strong his guilt is. Juliette wants to comfort him, pull him in a hug and never let go, but he continues. "I told her we could find them, I told her everything would be alright."

"You did everything you could, we all did. We can try our best, but we can't work magic, she knew that better than anyone. You can't blame yourself." Juliette pleads.

It's only then that Spencer hears the raw emotion in her voice, asking the question before he can stop himself. "What happened with Griffin?"

That was one question Juliette didn't expect, but she did say that she would answer it. So she stands, starting towards Spencer's couch and motioning for him to do the same. He lays across the sofa again, this time with his head in her lap as she carefully begins to untangle the knots in his hair.

"Griffin's life goal was to be a foreign ambassador, he was obsessed with it. We were just married when he got his Master's, so instead of trying to become a foreign service officer, he chose to work his way up in the State Department. He would be home more, and he thought it would help him stand out."