He Sent You

ONE

Four years ago...

I stand beside my husband's casket, the lid closed per reference for me, and my heart. I can't take anymore pain. Pain physically and emotionally. I reach the other end of the church where all the obituaries lay neatly, curtesy of the chapel.

'Christopher Dean Hansley' the cover wrote with a picture of him and I smiling in a field of sunflowers, the golden sun pronouncing the red in his curly hair. I sigh out loud, thinking of this day brings smile to my face.

I clutch the booklet to my chest, "I miss you." I whisper.

I hear someone's footsteps coming behind me.

"Junie, everybody will be here in 20 minutes, do you need anything?" Says the chapel owner from a few inches behind me.

I didn't lift my head nor move my booklet. "No. No thank you." I whisper softly.

I hear him exit near the back and I finally compose myself. I have to be strong. I have to be strong for myself but also for his family whom are grieving just as much as me.

Kendra and Mike - Chris's parent were the first to enter the small chapel door. Wearing black and carrying grim looking faces. They're swollen eyes meet mine at the front, I nod and make my way over to them. "Hello" I say softly and give them a tight hug.

"How are you feeling? Still sore?" Kendra asks taking in my white cast and my arm full of scratches, its not what's on the outside that hurts, its the inside, my heart, my head.

I shake my head, Chris got the worst outcome from the accident, he died in the hospital from a brain hemorrhage and me I got the subtle stuff handed to me, broken rib, arm and bruised everything along with cuts along my face and neck. It was a horrible day. "How are you guys doing?" I ask the unbearable question, its been two months since the accident, Chris had stayed on life support until I was able to leave and see him then Kendra and Mike had the hardest conversation with me about the life support and maybe pulling the plug, I cried and screamed.

They look over my shoulder at the closed casket and frown, "We're taking it day by day - it gets easier as the days pass, today will be a good way to celebrate his life with everyone." Mike says.

As more people filter in, taking the booklet with the happy couple on it, and making their way to me and then to Kendra and Mike to give their condolences.

I scan the busy floor in search for my father who I did see at the beginning but everything got so busy and packed too fast that I lost sight of him. My father has helped me along this whole ordeal, he's helped me pack up Chris and I's first house bought together and he's let me live with him until I'm ready to move again.

I find him standing in the corner sending off a text to somebody. "Hey." I say grabbing his shoulder. He turns to face me, tucking his phone away.

"How you doin'" He says returning a hand to my shoulder.

"Unbearable" I mumble. I should cry, my bottom lip should tremble but I've cried every night for the past two nights, I think my tears have dried up.

He tries to smile, "It'll all get better, you're strong and Chris is here supporting you, be present and give everybody the love Chris would want you to give."

With that I smile and make my way to the podium where a picture of Chris hangs and Chris lays peacefully in his casket.

"Thank you everybody for being here to celebrate the life of Christopher Hansley." I start, gaining the attention of everybody in the church. "Never did I think this day would come, where I'd be giving a speech somewhat similar to my wedding vows, but here we are. Chris was my husband of three years, but we've been together for almost six years. He was a strong minded, open hearted type of guy, he put his whole self into any relationship and friendship. I'm lucky for the time I had with him and I will forever miss the time I won't have him. Chris taught me a lot about myself, the world and simple things about life. Chris actually was the first to introduce me to camping in a tent, and to hiking, as well as snowboarding, and I'll forever cherish those memories. His love will live with me until the day I meet him again. I got the chance Chris didn't get and I'm going to make both our dreams come true. Thank you again to everybody who was able to make it. Kendra and Mike would like to share fond memories of Chris next." I flash a deep, sad smile to the crowed and bow my head, earning a small hug from Kendra and Mike in passing.

I slide into my seat and watch Kendra and Mike. Today will be a day I remember. I feel like my heart will never recover and I dread to think about tomorrow and the rest of time without Christopher. A lone tear falls down my cheek.

I miss you, Christopher.