No Matter What // Harry Styles AU -- Dunkirk inspired

Chapter Sixty-Six

Harry's P.O.V

Between Mum's threats and the fear of Mr. Williams finding out, I'm trying my damndest to be a proper gentleman to Hazel. But as fate would have it, temptation seems to lurk around every corner.

Having her alone in a hotel room all to myself for a few hours, knowing a warm bed is just a mere few feet from us, and seeing how willing and daring my Hazel has become, sends my body into overdrive.

Anxiety pulls at my conscience, though. It doesn't help either that over the last week I've been plagued by nightmares of going to war. It seems like the Williams and Jack Westwood are convinced it will happen. 

But what would that mean for Hazel and I?

What if I took advantage of Hazel right now and never had the chance to marry her? I'd ruin her. Or worse, what if I came home? I'd never let myself hurt her the way my own father hurt Mum, Gem and I. But I don't know what kind of monster I'd become if I went to war. What if I couldn't stop it- What if I couldn't stop becoming him?

"Is everything alright?" Hazel asks, breaking me from my swirling, doomed thoughts. I look over at her sweet innocent face. I want nothing more than to make sure she has the perfect time here.

"Perfectly fine," I lie.

She pauses, assessing my face. I try to shoot her a quick smile, but her thick brows knit together proving that she isn't convinced. I can't tell if I love how easily she can see the real me or hate that she can read my every move.

It doesn't help that as we make our way through the luxurious lobby, I can't help but feel there's a thousand eyes on me. With her pearls and neatly pressed clothes, Hazel looks like she fits right in. Meanwhile, I gulp hoping no one notices the small hole forming in the edge of my sweater that mum knitted me ages ago.

"Would you mind if we just take a walk and see where we find ourselves?" Hazel asks. "That's what I used to do when we would escape to the city for a trip."

"What sorts of things would you get up to?" I ask, trying my hardest to imagine her life- her real life. The one she would be getting back to at some point. Again, anxiety lurches in my stomach.

Hazel goes on to tell me about sneaking into jazz clubs with her devilish brother and taking her younger sisters round some famous park all while we travel about Central London. We walk past famous buildings, dressed up window shops,  and end up arm in arm walking through Hyde Park. We walk for what seems like hours, our conversation never stalling.

"Your Uncle's expecting us at seven for dinner," I say, looking down at my wristwatch.

"How much time does that give us?" she asks, her brown eyes wide.

"We've still got another 30 minutes or so," I say. She nods and tucks her arm further into mine. It's so lovely to walk this easily with her in public.

"I've had a marvelous day with you," she says, resting her head on my shoulder as we walk. "London is a dream."

"D'you reckon you could see yourself living in such a place?" I ask, taking my shot.

"London?" she considers. "It's fascinating to visit. I'm not sure about live, though."

"How so?" 

"Well, it's just, I want to live a life much bigger than the one back home, but I also can't imagine spending my whole life away from my family. They mean so much to me."

I nod quietly, disappointed. What's the point in all of this if she won't live anywhere but America? Could I ever leave England? Leave my job? Mum, Gem, and Robin?