Diary of an anorexic

星期二 二月二十三号

I want Y to call back, I want to know when my next appointment is.
Yesterday I was 56.5, I still have to weigh myself today. I'm definitely not happy with that weight but it's better than 57 or 58. I look fat though. My stomach is far from flat. I want to be skinny. But today I feel like eating. Seriously what is my problem? Why do I want to eat?

There's girls that are underweight without an eating disorder, I can't even be underweight with an eating disorder. And I have a problem and have to be treated to recover. What a bullshit. I'm telling Y that I don't need help. So that I also don't have to stress about being ... kilos before whatever appointment. It's really annoying. I just want to restrict in my own pace. I know I said that I would restrict really well this vacation and that I would be at least 55 after. So why do I want to eat? Why do I not care at the moment? I have to care.
I'll just study and try distracting myself as much as possible... wish me luck

Today I'm 56

Right now my mum and sister are in the living room. That saves me for a while. I'm not eating when they are with me. I can't eat when someone is in the room except for dinner because then we all have to eat together.

- Apple
- 3x jodenkoek
- chips
- toast w cheese
- porridge w pb
- Apple

Today was a huge binge for no reason, I've lost so much hope in myself. Last week I was like 'oh easy, I don't want to eat anyways' but now I binge almost everyday. Ugh I can't do this.