Diary of an anorexic

Tuesday 21.03.02

Yesterday I got to skip dinner. I told my sis I didn't feel well and stayed in my room. Nothing happened and I fell asleep at 10 or so.

I'm still fucking bloated,, why??? Today I'm also going to Y and suddenly my school decided to make us go to school today. They had a whole week to inform us on when and how they want us to come back to school, they say nothing. This morning they put it in our schedule. Fuck off.
Same with biology test. Friday before the vacation they said, Thursday after the vacation you have a test. Then Sunday they emailed promising a checklist as soon as possible. We never received a checklist. And they didn't even say how we'll be tested. Wether it's online or in school, through a meet or on some app. Nothing

My weight is 57.4, fml:D

Today I'm going to lie to the people from Y and tell them I don't need help. I hope they'll stop and then everything will be good again. I will restrict food. Chill but strict like months ago. Now I'm restricting hard and then binging, that stupid cycle so I have to change that. I will like I said, follow the rules and only eat dinner and make stupid excuses to skip dinner. That's how I got very underweight the first time so it must be working.
I kinda have a nostalgic feeling to that time. It was beginning of Corona lockdown.
- I went longboarding with my friends everyday
- I wore cute summer clothes
- I cycled to the hospital, picking up my mum
- I filmed a dance audition in a closed hospital
- went to make a dance movie in the theater
- went cycling every night even in a storm
- hung out under a viaduct w my bestie
I'll write some other things down if I can think of them.

I wonder what the people who read this think... you probably think I'm weak and fat and that I'm so bad at restricting. But I promise I'll do better. Also,, I hope you are doing okay and I wish you happiness, I know this ed doesn't bring happiness all the time so I hope you find something that truly makes you happy❤️

I've been thinking of dyeing my hair orange ish for 1.5. Usually I think whatever it's just hair but it's more about money now cuz if I do it I want to do it good which would be expensive. I want to dye it like HyunA had in triple H and she has it now as well!! I'm so happy, it looks so good on her.
But idk if orange hair would even suit me, probably not lol