Today I'm going walking with my parents and brother. It will be good and burn calories.
I didn't do anything after that walk, I just laid in bed all day, I hate myself.
I just had dinner, it was good but I had more than I should but it was yummy. Zero discipline. Then I went to clean up but my dad threw a shot comment so I said do it yourself and went to my room crying. I'm such a baby but he should shut the fuck up.
I was supposed to play mario cart with my parents and sister. I was excited about that because we never do that and my parents suck at it so it's funny. My sister made cupcakes which I was terrified of but I wanted to try them. I'm not doing any of it, I'm here in bed crying over a decision and hearing my sister and parents laugh and have fun playing.
So that decision, I hate myself so much. My dom (bdsm) is the kindest person and I really like him. But this stupid fucking eating disorder wants me to suffer so it tells me to tell him I don't want to be his sub anymore.
Of course I want to but I'm a failure and I must suffer. Now I have to decide wether to stay his or leave.
I love my ed but it has downsides
YOU ARE READING
Diary of an anorexic
Non-FictionI use this as my diary. I write down all my thoughts and I hope it'll help me.
