just like me || remus lupin

cerise

It didn't hurt like I thought it would.

In all honesty, I had no idea what death was supposed to feel like. We were always taught from a young age to fear it and it would eventually come to take us when we were old.

No one told me that I would die young. No one told me it'd be at the hands of someone I used to call my friend.

But surprisingly, as I was at death's door, I welcomed it. Maybe that's why I wasn't in such unbearable pain.

I guess the only thing that hurt was knowing who had killed me.

I never made it back home. I was hoping to see Molly and Arthur's new kid. A girl. I'm so proud and happy for them. I wish I could meet her. She's probably so beautiful.

It's funny. This could've all been avoided if I hadn't chosen to sit next to a shy, scar-filled boy in my sixth year Potions class. I wouldn't be on the ground, motionless.

But, if I had avoided sitting next to Remus - if I had sat next to someone else - I wouldn't have met the love of my life. I wouldn't have made the friends that I have. Or, had.

I wouldn't be the godmother to Harry. I guess Harry is the closest thing I'll ever have to a child of my own. I want him to grow up, be happy, and if he grows up to be exactly like James, well, that will be McGonagall's problem, I suppose.

The last face I saw was a face that I used to consider one of my closest friends. I hate saying used to. I dreamed of having a happy ending, but now that means nothing. My dreams mean absolutely shit as I lay here, lifeless.

I held on to the fact that Harry would have amazing parents. I held onto the fact that Remus would have Sirius, Lily, and James to be there for him, just like old times.

I would always know Remus as the love of my life. But, I know I won't be his. He'll have a full life. I want him to love someone till the end. It'd be selfish of me to keep a hold on his heart. I want someone to know how it feels like to be loved by him, cause it's unbelievable.

It had only been a few hours since I passed. I didn't even fully comprehend that I was gone but— I see them. I see them next to me. Oh, no.

Lily wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to cry but I knew I didn't deserve it.

In fact, I couldn't cry. I'm dead.

I lost everything but the only thing I left behind was Remus. Even though that sucked, James and Lily left back their own son.

Harry. Sirius. My dad. Juno. T-they're alone. Within a day they lost all of us.

Remus. I had to watch him find out about James and Lily's death through a phone. How is he going to take mine?

The Potter's and I had to watch everything unfold, and my God, was it a mess.

———— ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ ————

Rosie and Juno had to hold Remus back as he tried to attack Sirius. He had been chained and was sitting there, quiet.

"You sold them out! You killed Peter! You let James and Lily die! You lying son of a bitch! James gave you everything and you gave his life up in a second!" Remus yelled at him. Sirius still stayed silent. "You're not even going to fight back? Defend yourself? You've made Harry an orphan! Do you understand me? You coward!"

"Remus—, stop! Stop!" Rosie screamed. As they took him away Molly appeared in one of Floo Network's traveling systems in the Ministry's hallway where all of this was taking place. She fell to the ground. Everyone went silent as they turned to her. Remus began to run closer to her and Juno tried to slow him down.

"Where is she? Where is Cerise?!" he cried.

Molly couldn't even lookup. She couldn't make eye contact with any of them. She slowly shook her head in horror before breaking down in Arthur's arms. Rosie tried to slowly pull Remus back as she began to cry.

Everything went silent. His head tuned out all noise around him as he shook his head repeatedly. Rosie tried to reassure him but he couldn't hear.

"No. No, no, no! P-please no-no- there's no way that—, she can't be—," He repeated over and over again. Without hesitation, he ran to Sirius. Once again, Juno and Rosie had to pull him back. The anger in his eyes grew.

"You killed her? How could you? You knew how much she meant to us, t-to me! She was our best friend and you—," he couldn't even get a sentence out. His throat tightening and tears flew. He fell to his knees and began sobbing.

Sirius wanted to say something but he couldn't. He didn't want to cry in front of them. As a few of the Ministry workers took his arms and began to take him out of the building, Remus's screams and Molly's wails filled the entire complex. Once his back was fully turned away from the group, he began to quietly weep.

Remus watched as they took away Sirius. He was his best friend and he had killed everyone he loved. He couldn't explain how much anger and resentment he felt at that moment. Rosie watched the boy cry on the ground as she herself began hyperventilating. She noticed a small black velvet box in his left coat pocket, making her cry even more.

She was gone. They were gone.

For the first time in a while, Remus was alone. The one thing he wanted most his whole life had finally come true. No friends, no family, no lover. He absolutely hated it with every fiber in his being. All he had left were his thoughts and they were the most suicidal things you could ever imagine. The only thing he could cling to were his memories. Memories of when he was happy. Memories he took for granted when they were still the present. Memories of her. For the first time in a while, he was stuck in silence. He hated silence.

———————

This story was never made for a happy ending

but it's not over yet...

>:)