I want to be her 『𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜』

Chapter One - The Announcement

Bucky grabs Natasha by the hand, smiling ear to ear as he runs up to the living room. You walked out of your room, ready to tell Sam you finished his book recommendation. When you get to the living room, the rest of the team were in there. You were about to go in and talk to Sam when you stopped. Nat and Bucky stood in front of the team, holding hands and smiling weirdly. “Buck has some big thing to tell us,” you heard Steve say. 

You lent against the door frame, interested in whatever it was the ‘happy’ couple had to say. “Uh okay,” said Bucky, awkwardly, “Here’s the thing, I’m um, okay, Me and Nat have decided to er, to get married,” your face dropped. Nat and Bucky? Married. They’d only gone out a few months. Why were they doing this? Not that you cared. Of course you had loved Bucky once but you didn’t anymore. He was just your ex. It just, you hadn’t expected him to marry Nat so quickly after he’d broken up with you. 

“We know it’s a bit quick,” said Nat, murmurs coming from the rest of the group. Well at least they realised that. “But um it just feels so right you know?” you hadn’t expected to be told that your ex boyfriend was marrying your ex best friend. It didn’t matter, you didn’t even care. You walked into the room, silently. All eyes turned to you. The break up had left the team more awkward than this. You could break the silence but you didn’t know how to react. 

Bucky and Nat exchanged a glance, you smiled nervously at Bucky. It was okay. He was allowed to marry whoever he wanted. You weren’t his anymore. “I er, I was just telling the team,” said Bucky. 

“Yeah I heard,” you responded, another silence fell across the team. They all exchanged glances, and you shook your head nervously. Bucky seemed nervous of your response but you weren’t mad. You didn’t really feel anything. “Well I think its great!” you exclaimed, coming off a little more excitedly than you had hoped for, “I’m really happy for you guys,” you smiled, telling the rest of the team you were okay. 

They jumped up, immediately congratulating the two of them. Nat showed you and Wanda her ring, it was a simple gold band encrusted with a few diamonds. It was the kind of ring you’d dreamed Bucky would have given to you. It didn’t matter. You had to keep telling yourself that. So you faked a smile, and said it looked beautiful. It was easy for you to tell everyone that you were fine, that you were over Bucky. Woah woah wait. You totally were over Bucky, right? Yes. It was just the shock of him marrying someone else. 

You sat back down on the couch, placing down the forgotten book. Fifteen minutes ago giving Sam your opinion had been your top priority, and now here you were. Bucky sat down next to you, “Hey,” you said to him, “How is the er, the engagement? Definitely not what I was expecting to hear, after everything, you know, with us?” 

Bucky nodded, “I think I had to realise that nothing can go back to how it was but I can go forward,” he said, your eyes went glassy but you smiled nevertheless, “Nat is um, she’s amazing, I really lo-” he trailed off. You knew he loved her, he’d said it to her before in front of you. She’d said it back. They were in love, and they were getting married. And it didn’t bother you anyway. You nodded, “I really love her,” said Bucky. 

“I’m so happy for you guys,” you said to him, “I have to get some water, but um yeah,” you couldn’t tell him you’ll see him later because you probably won’t. He wasn’t the centre of your world anymore. You hardly even spoke to him anymore, he was just someone else who lived in the tower. It was like he had gone from everything you ever needed to just a stranger. And that hurt. 

You sat on the kitchen surface sipping your water, watching the group congratulate and talk to Natasha and Bucky. Yesterday you felt moved on, like you had been for the past three months of your life. And today you wanted to be Nat, you wanted to be the one that Bucky was so excited to marry. But it wasn’t. “Are you okay?” asked Wanda.

“Why wouldn’t I be,” you said, kicking your legs against the cupboard door, “I’m fine, every single thing he said to me was plain bullshit and he broke my heart, so why would I start caring now,” 

It wasn’t like you were wrong, your break up with Bucky had been the worst thing that ever happened to you. He had your whole heart, and he'd just thrown it all away. You didn’t know what to think and feel about Bucky’s whole engagement. It felt weird. Everything was changing and it just felt like you were stuck, going nowhere but everyone else was moving on around you.

Wanda sighed, “Sounds to me like you’re still in love with him,” she responded. You rolled your eyes. You weren’t, you were over him, like you said. He had broken your heart, lied to you and cheated on you. And then ended up marrying the girl he told you not to worry about. So at the end of the day he was a huge dick who you were not in love with. You didn’t care. If they wanted to get married all the luck to them. 

You said nothing, Wanda waiting on your response. Tony came over, “You know, I really thought you and him would work things out,” he said to you, not noticing the look that came across your face, “I really thought you and him were meant to be,” you sighed, accepting the truth. That you and Bucky were definitely over. 

“Me too,”