I want to be her 『𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜』

Chapter Two - Memories

You sat on the end of your bed, looking out over the city. All the memories seemed to be coming back to you. For the last three months you’d focused on everything bad about your relationship with Bucky, and there had been a lot. That's why you weren’t still together. But now, your brain was repressing every single bad thing. All you could focus on was the fact that Bucky made you happier than you’d ever been. And all you wanted was to have him back. “Are you okay?” said Steve, from your doorway.

31st March

Wanda had just burnt another batch of cookies, and you were laughing hysterically. Sam and Steve came in, “Hey everyone,” said Steve, all the heads of the team whipped round to see Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, Steve’s old war buddy. “This is Bucky,” he looked up from the floor. He had long brown hair, up to his shoulders, stunning blue eyes but a broken smile.

You turned to Wanda, “He’s cute,” you said, a little too loudly. Steve sighed, and you could see Bucky smile to himself. It was only quick, but your heart jumped at the thought of making him smile. “Sorry, I’ll shut up now,” you said quickly.

Wanda laughed, “Welcome to the team,” the rest of the team said. You smiled at Bucky, who just smiled back at you. Oh my God, this guy was adorable. And clearly a flirt. You went back to the kitchen to help with some more cookies, hopefully you could get this batch right. Bucky looked over to you occasionally, and you couldn’t help but look back at him too. He was so pretty.

26th April

You looked over at Bucky, you just wanted to tell him how you felt. That all you could think about was him. That you rejected any guy that wanted you because all you wanted was him. You just, you had to tell him. Of course, you guys had a friendship but not a close one. The closer you got to him, the more you wanted him. Okay you were just going to tell him. You had to.

Once Sam had left Bucky alone, you decided you would tell him. The nerves built up inside you, but you had to tell him. Your heart was hammering against your chest. “Hey Buck,” you said, smiling as you sat opposite him. “Look I have to tell you something,”

Bucky nodded, “Sure go ahead,” he said.

“I like you,” you said bluntly. He seemed confused at first but then he nodded. His blue eyes were twinkling as he laughed, you sensed nerves. “I know you might not feel the same thing, but it’s okay, I just, I feel like I had to tell you,” you smiled, before patting his arm. You grabbed your cocktail and got up to leave.

5th May

You sat at the bar. There wasn’t really much friendship with Bucky after you confessed your crush on him. However, Bucky joined you today. He didn’t say anything but opened a beer. Even though he couldn’t get drunk on it. You continued to drink your cocktail, “How was your day?” you asked him, unsure of how to make conversation.

Bucky turned to face you, his eyes gazing at your lips. You smirked. “I didn’t think you felt the same,” you said. Bucky blushed, losing his words, for someone who used to be a ladies man he wasn’t doing too well. Bucky shifted closer to you, his eyes gazing to your lips again before looking back into your eyes. He had really beautiful eyes. Bucky’s flesh hand grabbed yours. He was on the verge of kissing you. So what was stopping him?

You wrapped your other arm around his neck, so your face was inches from his. You were itching for him to take the lead. As if he could read your mind, he closed the distance between you two. The kiss was sweet and passionate and everything that you hoped for. It was perfect. You pulled away, moving some hair from Bucky’s face with your hand so you grazed his cheek. Not really sure what to say, you winked at him before grabbing your cocktail and heading back into the crowds of the party.

11th May

Your first real date with Bucky. Wanda and Nat helped you get ready, and you were so nervous. You chose your favourite outfit, before heading down to meet Bucky. “Rumour has it I make you nervous,” said Bucky, linking your arm through his.

He took you to a fair in Brooklyn, telling you about the times he used to go with Steve. You asked him what he remembered, The Stark Expo, A skinny version of Steve and coming to the tower. You felt sorry for him, but you didn’t want him to think you were pitying him. He hoped to remember, so you would be there for him.

Bucky ended the date by taking you to dinner, and you had a great time. “So, do you wanna do this again sometime?” you nodded. He kissed you again, and your heart fluttered.

27th July

Bucky came and sat next to you, holding your hand. “Can I tell you something?” he asked quietly, so that no one else in the room could hear.

You nodded. “I love you,” he said. A huge smile came across your face. Anyone in the room could have seen it. The way Bucky made you laugh, the way he made you smile, how your face lit up whenever he was in the room. You were in love with him.

“I love you too,” you said. Because you did. He was your home.

Present Time

“Y/n?” said Steve, breaking you out of your trance. Why? You should be happy for Bucky, moving on. If he was happy, that was fine. It wasn’t like you were still together, it wasn’t like you weren’t over him. You sighed, turning to face Steve, wondering what he wanted, “I said, are you alright?”

You sighed, “Do you think he ever loved me?” you asked quietly, the thoughts in your head were so loud. You shouldn’t still care. You didn’t.

“Yeah, he loved you,” said Steve, closing the door to your room, as he came in, “He loved you so so much,” he sighed, because it was true, he knew it was true. You were all Bucky had ever talked about for months. When Bucky looked at you it was like you hung the moon and the stars. He’d never expected you two to break up. 

You didn’t look at Steve, you couldn’t. “Then why did he break my heart?” you asked, you didn’t want to feel like this. You wanted to be over him. “Why did he say all those things, if he ended up leaving anyway?”

“He loved you, he did,” said Steve, “He just wasn’t ready for it to hit him that hard,”