I want to be her 『𝙱𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚢 𝙱𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜』

Chapter Five - Goodbye

"I like this one,” you said to Sam. It was the fourth apartment you guys had been to over the past two days. It was in Queens, two bedrooms, nice space, nice view. Nothing felt like home. Bucky felt like home. That was one of the reasons you were moving out. “I don’t know, let’s just get this one,” 

Sam sighed, “Are you sure?” you didn’t respond, “We can keep looking,” it wasn’t something you wanted to rush into. But then again you didn’t want to have to hear or see Bucky and Nat’s wedding plans every time you wanted a coffee. 

“Yes I’m sure,” you said, “I’m gonna go fill out an application. I'll be right back,” you headed out the apartment. It was weird to think that you were going to move out of the tower, all your best friends lived there, the people that you couldn’t live without. You didn’t want to leave all of those people behind. Just don’t think about it. Concentrate on getting the apartment first before worrying about everything else. 

You filled in an application before heading back up to Sam, “Okay,” you said, smiling brightly to try and hide all your overwhelm of emotions. “Do you wanna go get pizza or something?” Sam laughed before agreeing. 

-------- Two Days Later ---------

The email had come, you kept rereading it. You got the apartment, you got it. “What you reading?” asked Bucky, from the other side of the room. You had been sat on the couch next to Sam, he was watching Netflix. Bucky had been talking to Nat about the wedding so you’d blocked that out but you must have been so distracted that you hadn’t seen her leave. “Sorry,” 

You looked at Sam, “Nothing,” you said, “Just, the news,” Bucky raised his eyebrows, okay so maybe you hated the news because when you first joined the avengers they spread rumours about you. You looked away. Everytime you looked at him you felt guilty for still loving him. 

“Hey Sam,” you said quietly, so that Bucky couldn’t hear, “I got the apartment!” he smiled. You weren’t really sure what to do now. You got the apartment, but you had to tell everyone. Now you had to pack up all your stuff and move away. You wouldn’t see your team everyday, you wouldn’t see Bucky everyday. And realising that you wouldn’t see him all the time made your heart ache. “What do I do now?” you asked, suddenly unsure of what was about to happen. 

Sam sighed, “Tell them, I guess,” you rolled your eyes, “Oh you mean like how? Yeah I don’t know,” great helpful advice, what were you supposed to do? Steve and Tony came in, followed by Wanda and Vision. Weird how the whole team had just appeared in the kitchen when you needed to tell them something. 

You looked at Sam, “Guys,” you said, a lot quieter than you had expected, “Um, I have decided to er,” you looked at Sam again, “I’m gonna move out,” 

“What?” asked Steve.

“You’re moving out?” asked Wanda, “Why? I thought you liked it here, who will bake cookies with me at two in the morning,” 

Think of a lie Y/n. Think of a lie, Bucky is standing right there. “Just needed some change,” you said, “I still love you all though,” not you Bucky, you didn’t love Bucky. Oh forget it you were in love with him, that’s why you were leaving. 

A lot of questions came. Tony asked where and you answered with an apartment in Queens. Wanda asked why again, you lied and said because you needed your own space. Steve asked if you were okay and if you were gonna be alright on your own, you told him you were fine. Bucky said nothing. He didn’t say a thing. It looked like he didn’t even care. Well why would he? It’s not like you were important to him. 

You couldn’t wait on a response from him, “Okay I have to go pack my stuff,” you said. Wanda said she would help you. But you had no idea how to say anything to her, you didn’t know what to say to anyone. “Sorry I kinda just sprung this on you,” 

“Oh don’t worry,” said Wanda, “As long as I can come bake cookies whenever?” 

You laughed, “Of course,” 

Before you left you had to talk to one more person. Bucky. You headed to the kitchen, to catch Bucky, he was drinking some coffee, and sat watching Netflix. Some boring documentary Steve had recommended to the team. “Hey, Buck,” you said, coming into the room. Bucky looked at you but then went back to watching Tv. “Will you say something?”

Bucky sighed, pausing the Tv. “What should I say Y/n,” he said, “Do you need me to care, you got everyone else’s attention, isn’t that what you want?” you were taken aback. None of this had been about attention. Far from it.  

“It’s not for attention,” you said, slightly angry, “I’m just moving out the tower,”

Bucky rolled his eyes, “Well it seems pretty selfish to me,” it seemed. It was-. He thought you were selfish. That was such bullshit. How was you moving out the tower linked to being selfish? You could do whatever you wanted. He didn’t want to care, so why exactly was he calling you selfish? “Is this about the wedding? Do you feel left out?” 

“No,” you said, “I’m not being selfish Bucky, I’m doing what’s best for me, because for once in my life I’m not thinking about someone else like I always was with you,” you sighed, “You know I wanted to talk to you, but now I think I’ve heard enough,” 

Bucky didn’t respond, you wanted to hear him say something. And the more you kept shouting at him the more your heart shattered, but you couldn’t show what control he had over you. That you would drop everything in your life just to kiss him again. That you were so in love with him that it terrified you, the things that you would do for him. “We have to go,” said Sam, breaking the awkward silence between you two. Bucky said nothing, watching you leave. And that broke your heart. 

Once all your stuff had been packed up, Tony and Steve said they would help move the bigger furniture. Sam and Wanda helped you pack all your other stuff into your car. The rest of the team said goodbye before. Bucky and Nat hadn’t said anything, everyone probably knew the real reason you were moving out. It was kind of obvious, ex boyfriend getting married so you move away. 

Well that was it. You looked at the tower that held all your memories, your happiest ones and your most painful ones. “You guys gonna come with me?” you asked Sam and Wanda. They both nodded. I guess that was it. You were leaving.