Express The Distress

layers of us

you have layers to you and to your love. it all started with your smile, more beautiful than all the stars in the sky. and when it was directed towards me, i knew we began something special.

your laugh came next, a chorus of notes blended into the most blissful melody. when i told cheesy jokes, you'd make that noise and i swear my blood danced. hanging out with you became my favorite after time hobby.

one day we were in a coffee shop, you ordering your usual bitter black coffee while i got a latte and a donut. we sat down at a sunny window seat, so i was practically squinting my eyes the whole time. as i shaded my eyes with my right hand, i munched on my donut listening to you talk. but then you stopped dead in the middle of your sentence as your eyes narrowed in on my mouth.

i was too concentrated on my donut to notice. but then you leaned across the table and i watched you with confusion. until your thumb brushed just below my lip, prickling my skin as it did, wiping away a bit of frosting that missed my mouth. i remember my breath caught in my throat and my cheeks warmed immensely, though i tried to blame it on the sun.

you only chuckled as you licked your finger before you sat back down, continuing on with your story as if nothing happened.

the day after that you grabbed my hand for the first time, entwining our fingers as we walked along the boating docks, watching the crystal water ripple. i just about tripped at this new intimacy between you and me. you asked me if i liked it and all i could do was nod like a fool. you said good because you liked touching me too, you said my cheeks were red again.

a week later i got a call from my parents, they scolded me for getting an A- on my test when it should have been an A+. they were so upset with me, they said i needed to spend a little more time in church and a little less time with distractions. i walked in the rain that day, trudging to the church seeking redemption.

you pulled up beside me in your car, as the rain mixed with my tears. you said to get in the car, i said i can't, i had to pray. i said we couldn't talk anymore. you pulled your car to the side of the road as i didn't dare look back at you. i heard your feet splash behind me which only made me walk faster, cry harder.

you grabbed my arm, halting my steps and i looked at you with pleading eyes hoping you wouldn't make this harder for me. you shook your head then pointed to the sky. you said God wasn't real, you said if he was i wouldn't have said that to you. you said God wouldn't fix my grades, you said only i could do that and no amount of praying would help.

my lips wobbled as i went to deny it. but you lifted your index finger and brushed it down my chapped lips silencing me. you said God couldn't help me but you could. you said God would let me walk in the rain and freeze but you wouldn't. you kissed me then, pressing your cold wet lips on my mine, and i forgot everything. when you pulled away you smiled faintly and asked me if i'd rather pray for salvation or beg for your forgiveness. you said religion was a belief that couldn't be proven, you said what we had was real.

and then you kissed me again. i let go because i knew you would catch me. you were my prayer and i didn't even have to bruise my knees on the wooden podium before a cross for you to come true.