Hotch X Reader

19

"Gideon?" I exclaimed in shock. The man, who had grabbed my arms in an attempt to balance me, was so familiar yet so foreign. He was never one to dress up for work in the BAU, but he definitely didn't wear bright blue jeans and stretched t-shirts. He still wore the stressed face the BAU had given him, but I also noticed tears? I jerked my head between Aaron and Spencer. That's what they were talking about earlier. He had told Spence. And not me. I stepped away from my old mentor. I stepped away from my friend. And I stepped away from my boss. Before I knew it I was back in the SUV, trying to pull it together.

Gideon was the only person who knew about my past. When I had run away to the east coast with my brothers, we were barely making it. I had been perfectly content to dropout of high school and work multiple jobs. My brother's teacher, however, insisted I go to school and helped me situate them in a daycare. I graduated with a 3.7 gpa. I got a pretty good job and put myself through med school, still raising my brothers. But I was stupid and reckless. I lived my life carelessly, not caring whether I made it to the next day. I was about to drop out of school completely when I drunkenly stumbled on a guest speaker. It was Jason Gideon. He was the first person I completely trusted, without any reservation. I was thrilled when he recruited me for the BAU. My life was finally getting pieced together. He even came to my brothers' graduations. So, when he left without warning, I was crushed. He left Spencer Reid a note, but only gave me a deep sense of betrayal. It took me a year to get over it. So seeing him again, it just really sucked. I was mad. Extremely. At Aaron too.

He knew. He knew how much pain Gideon left me in. To just spring this bombshell on me without warning, it was inexcusable. A clear trend was emerging in my life: men aren't shit. My brothers and Jackson were the only men, hell the only people, I can trust. I ran my hand through my hair, trying my best to bite back bitter tears. This thought process was dangerous, and I knew it. Thankfully I was snapped out of it by a friendly tapping on the window. Jerking my head towards the sound, I was comforted by Reid's sympathetic frown.

"Are you okay?" He asked as I opened the door, turning in my seat to face him.

"Are you?" I rebutted. He was also close to the older man, and he had run off not too long after his kidnapping. Gideon and I were the ones to slowly wean Spencer off of Dilaudid, and Gideon's disappearance had inflicted great pain on him too.

"I don't know." He said softly, looking back at the building. If you squinted, you could see the two men talking. "Hotch asked me not to tell you. On the plane." His words of honesty felt like a slap to the face. I swallowed hardly.

"Did he say why?" I fought to keep my voice steady.

"No. I thought he was going to tell you in the car, away from everyone." He looked into my eyes, profiling me no doubt. I let out a long sigh.

"That really sucks." I pull myself together. "But we have a case to solve. Come on genius." I put my hands on his shoulders. He gives me a tight-lipped smile, picking me up out of the car by my waist. Once my feet hit the ground, he engulped me in a big hug. Maybe I could add Spence to list of people I trust.