Always?

just another night (1)

warnings-
sh scars

clay
it is 2:30 am, i put my phone in my pocket and put on my olive green converse. my favorite pair. i grab my airpods and start to play my favorite playlist as i slip open my window and hop out. its pretty cold right now so i put up my hoodie and make my way to the park. i love these walks to the park to release all of my thoughts. i love the feeling of the cold wind against my face. i will normally text nick to see if he wants to meet up with me, but tonight i want to be alone. i see the silver swings reflect in the moonlight and i take a seat in one.

i grab out a cigarette out of my pocket and take my green lighter and light it. smoking ciggs and shit has become a normal everyday thing for me. i dont normally come outside this late so i decide to get back home. it turns out i was sitting there for 1 1/2 hours. great. another night of about 2 hours of sleep. i need to get back into a good sleep schedule. and i need to stop doing drugs. and i need to be more present in my families lives.

"damn. why do i say these things even though i know i will never do them." i mumble to myself

i slide back into my window and take off my now muddy converse and set them aside. i close the window and throw myself onto the bed along with my phone. i set my alarm and drift off to sleep.

*BUZZ* *BUZZ*

"fuck"

i hop out of bed and turn off the alarm. i slowly sit up on my bed and let my arms stretch out behind me. my feet hit the floor and i make my way to the bathroom and turn the nob on the shower. the hot water hits my shoulders as i step in and i do my normal shower things. ya know, shampoo, conditioner, body wash, all that jazz.

i hop out and make my way to the closet. all of my clothes are very organized, belive it or not. my hoodies all stacked up neatly, my sweaters hung up nicely, my pants folded cleanly. i grab a pair of khaki pants and a dark green and white stripe collared sweatshirt. i pull my sweatshirt over my head and quickly glance at the scars on my forearms. i try to ignore it, not thinking much of them. its just normal activity at this point for me. i grab my black converse and put them on. i make my way downstairs and see my sister at the counter eating some waffles.

"hey mads"

"hi clay. i left the toaster out for you in case you wanted waffles." she says as she gets out of her chair and rinses off the dishes and runs up the stairs.

"thanks maddie, have a good day at school."
she walks out the front door and waves goodbye to me.

i quickly make breakfast, grab my backpack, and drive off to school in my grey bmw.

word count: 535