mahogany ; d.m

46 - deceived

Athena had suppressed her tears when Draco had been shadowing behind her. But the very minute he had let her go on alone, the emotion ripped through her chest.

She hated him.

She hated how he made her feel, equal parts desire and despair. She hated that he made her cry like this. She was so sick of crying. She hated her weakness for him. She hated that despite everything, she still wanted him.

When she entered the castle, she had managed to quieten her sobs, only snivelling silently. She rushed swiftly to Gryffindor Tower, smudging her tears with her sleeve before she went through the portrait.

Her friends were in the common room, all gathered around the fireplace in spirited moods that Athena could not compare to. Her heart clenched, her breathing heavy and controlled. Every few seconds her chest would tremor.

"Oh hi, 'Thena," Hermione said, without looking up at her. She forced a hello in return, banishing the trembling of her voice.

"We're off to see Hagrid in a mo. You coming?" Ron asked, before shovelling in the remainder of the pepper imps he was snacking on.

She shook her head.

"No, I probably shouldn't. I'm bloody exhausted," she sighed, with a light hearted chuckle.

Hermione looked up at her, studying her expression. She arched her brows for a few seconds, but didn't say anything. The frown she wore made Athena's gut spasm. There was something hidden behind Hermione's expression. Something telling that Athena felt she should fear.

But it was not something that overly concerned her in this moment of time.

"Anyway, goodnight," she forced a weak smile, turned away and retired to her dormitory.

As soon as she closed the door of her dormitory behind her, the tears she had barred, broke through. She sunk onto the floor, clutching her knees to her chest in attempt to console herself.

The amount of firewhiskey she had indulged remained to make her feel dizzy, the intoxication heightening her emotions. She foraged her mind for the sobering charm, casting it upon herself in hope she would feel less defeated.

Though not much changed. If anything it was worse now with a clear head. She felt utterly foolish.

Ron had almost died. He could have died. And if he had, it would have been on Draco's hands.

Draco had stated very plainly that he had never intended to hurt Ron, but what difference does that make? If it weren't Ron, it would have just been someone else. It was supposed to be someone else.

Her mind wandered back to months prior, remembering what Draco had done to Katie Bell. She was hexed by his doing. His involvement.

What was worse was that he didn't even seem sorry for it. He didn't even attempt at denying it or excusing himself. He just—embraced it.

She could have died. Just as Ron could have died.

And Athena had been sleeping with him, kissing him, laughing with him, comforted by him, touching him, feeling him, fucking him, completely consumed by him.

Aside from her grievances, it all begged one question. Who did he intend to murder?

She was not oblivious. She knew he was being assigned the deed by those who controlled him. Higher forces. Death Eaters. The Dark Lord.

The thoughts made her feel uneasy.

Athena went to bed straight away. She eventually stopped weeping after a while but her body continued to tremor moments after. Her lungs hurt from the deep breaths she took, her lips were swollen and her eyes stung with the aftermath of tears.