An angel and her demons.

15. Anxiety

THREE DAYS LATER

"I'm going to die... I'm going to die." I clutched my maths paper in front of me... the worst grade I have ever gotten, I was terrified to go home. I don't want everyone to be disappointed in me. The bell rang and I ran out of class and straight to the bathroom.

I locked myself in a stall... the stress ended up making me throw up. I emptied my guts then let the tears fall down my face.

I know... well I hope that my brothers would never physically hurt me for getting a bad grade. Yet I kept imagining their disappointed faces. I don't even know how they are going to react, so I made a plan to avoid them for as long as possible. That started by not going to lunch

I was so angry and disappointed in myself. The first rule was keeping my grades up... yet they have slipped so badly. So much was riding on this test, it was worth so much of my final grade and I basically failed.

I am going to end up living in a box on the streets.

That's when my heart rate started to quicken, I felt like the walls were closing. I couldn't breathe.

I picked up my phone and called Acacia "Hey Char where are you?" she asked, I cried into the phone "C-can't br-breathe."

"Charlotte what's happening?" she shouted

"B-b-bathroom." I stuttered, in less than a minute she ran in calling my name. I unlocked the door, and she came over to me. Kneeling to my level, "Hey. Hey. It's just a panic attack. Breathe with me ok." She held my hands as tears raced down my face.

"Just in and out. Breathe gorgeous. Breathe." She nodded as I took deep breaths.

We sat there for a few minutes and she pulled me into a hug, "You're ok. I got you" she rocked as I clung onto her.

We sat in comfortable silence for a little while, until "Can you tell me what happened?" she asked, I shook my head not wanting to think about it, but I just handed her my test.

"Charlotte. That is not that bad, it's a C+. You still passed. I know it's not what you were hoping for, but it is still a pass." She tried comforting me. I nodded but I was still so angry at myself.

"M-my brothers are going to k-kill me. Th-they s-said I- I had to keep up m-my gra-grades. I f-failed t-them." I sobbed.

"No. No. No, you didn't. You did good I promise." She rocked me in her arms. "I got a D. Ironic as it will be the only form of D I will ever get." She joked, making me laugh then choke on my cries.

We both sat, giggling for a while.

"Do you want to go to Bio? Or do you want to skip? We've only missed 20 minutes, if you want to go?" she smiled then rubbed my back.

"Yeah we can go." I stood up, she groaned "ugh goody two shoes"

I walked to the faucet and splashed my face to calm myself down. "Can you tell I've been crying" I asked. She shook her head "Nope you look beautiful... now come on." She dragged my hand into Bio.

"Charlotte, Acacia. You're late. Where's your excuse?" the teacher scowled.

"Sorry miss, Charlotte here was having a panic attack and we needed to calm her down before we came to our favourite lesson of the day." Acacia smiled at the teacher; she gave me a sympathetic smile then pointed to our desk "sit. We are just discussing the purpose of the nucleus."

We nodded and sat down. I couldn't concentrate on anything she was saying, I just kept thinking about how much trouble I will get into when I get home.

"Stop thinking about it. It'll be fine and if not you can come live with me and Toni. She misses you." Acacia nudged me and rubbed my thigh to comfort me. I smiled at her "If they die my phone password is your birthday." She laughed "and mine is yours."

"Great minds." I nudged her and she smirked.

The bell rung and I sat for a few minutes, plucking up my courage. "Come on. It's not the be all and end all. It will be fine princess." She took my hand and I walked into the parking lot to see my brothers stood at the car.

"Hey. What took you so long." One of them asked, I kept looking at the floor as I got into the car. I ignored them all and sat looking out of the window. A tear rolled down my face as I prepped myself to get yelled at or disowned.

"Lottie. We're home. You coming?" Teo asked me. "Mmhm." I simply responded and walked to through the front door. I couldn't bear to face any of my brothers, but I'd rather be yelled at by Ales then have to look at Enzo's disappointment.

I'm a disappointment.

"Ales?" I walked up to him; I could feel the tears beginning to pool in my eyes. "What's wrong bambino?" he questioned. "Can we talk somewhere" I looked back at Enzo, worry all over his face. Guilt filled me up. "Privately." I looked back at Ales who looked confused but none the less nodded.

We walked into his office and I sat down, he sat down next to me, rather than behind his desk.

"Please don't yell at me." A tear rolled down my face, "What did you do?" he wiped the tear from my face.

"Please promise you won't disown me and kick me out." I cried into my hands, hiding my face. He took my hands away and placed them in his. "Listen sorellina. No matter what you have done I won't ever disown you or kick you out. You are my little sorellina and I love you. Plus, I think Enzo would cut my head off." He smiled.

"I broke the rule." I cried.

"Which one baby?" he looked at me, sympathy hiding his growing anger.

"The first one, my grades. I failed." I said that and made eye contact with him. "Please don't hit me." I backed into my chair.

He raised his arms and pulled me into a bear hug. "Shut up Charlotte. I would never hurt you. It's just a grade, there is no need to get so worked up." He stroked my hair as I cried into his chest. "Don't tell Enzo please." I kept sobbing.

"Why?" he whispered.

"I don't want him to be disappointed in me, I love you all, but I value Enzo's opinion of me above anything, he's going to hate me." My screams were muffled as I whimpered into Ales' shirt.

"Baby, Enzo loves you. He could never hate you." Alessandro's soothing voice, his soothing words. They were unexpected but I was grateful.

After a while I stopped crying, "What even was your grade. Couldn't be much worse than Matteo's" he joked. I just handed him the paper.

He began to chuckle.

"Charlotte. This is a good grade. Why were you so worried? It's a C+. You passed. This is better than all of Teo's grades." He looked at me with a smile on his face. "I'm proud of you. This is a good grade."

I was shocked. I had always been told that if it was anything lower than an A. I was a failure. I was never going to amount to anything, yet Ales was proud of my C.

He pulled me into another hug and before I knew it I was asleep.