(COMPLETE) Sanders Sides - Ghosts (analogical book)

Chapter 8 - Fell A-Doting

I lowkey think this is my favourite chapter so far XD (I don't think there's a trigger warning but say if there is)

Also for context Sonnet 20 by William Shakespeare is called the 'gay poem' - it's the most well known love poem he wrote that's addressed to a man (look up a summary if you don't understand the context it's a really cute poem anyway)

Summary: Roman reads a poem and has a gay panic.

Words: 1254 Published: 5/3/2021

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Patton and Roman sat in the dark closet, Patton leaning on Roman's shoulder as he searched through all of Logan's 'lame' books. "The Great Works of Shakespeare!" Roman said dramatically, chuckling to himself and butting heads with Patton for a second. "Lo's such a nerd..."

"But we love him." Patton softly responded, and Roman shrugged. Patton did have an eternal love for his older brother, and one that Roman would never understand even though he had a brother himself. He supposed it was because Remus was just becoming an annoying middle schooler when Roman died so he never got a chance to know him beforehand. "I love him."

Roman noticed his lips trace 'and I love you'. It just felt like some natural rhythm, a native instinct, something that needed to be said. Instead it was silence. Roman looked ahead of him and then down, quickly grabbing another book to move the conversation and stop his mind from thinking about it.

"Can you read one of Shakespeare's poems? I remember you were always so good at reading in front of the class!" Roman had to stop himself from glaring at his friend, his cheeks heating to a faint pink which he luckily hid by the book in his hands he decided to open. "I remember you used to stand in front of the class and make the poems into real life! You really put a spell on me – Please Roman?"

Roman rolled his eyes, standing up just as he used to do when Patton and he shared an English class, and opening the book to a random page. Sonnet 20 by none other than William Shakespeare himself.

"A woman's face with Nature's own hand painted
Hast thou, the master-mistress of my passion;
A woman's gentle heart, but not acquainted
With shifting change, as is false women's fashion;
An eye more bright than theirs, less false in rolling,
Gilding the object whereupon it gazeth;
A man in hue, all "hues" in his controlling,
Which steals men's eyes and women's souls amazeth."

Roman paused looking at the following verse. This wasn't a poem he had read before, but Patton seemed as happy to listen to Roman as if he had rehearsed the short love poem for the almost-17 years of his life. If Logan was here he'd mention how he would struggle with such complex vocabulary if it wasn't in such a beautiful rhythm. Everything seemed to flow and seem right when Patton looked at him.

"And for a woman wert thou first created;
Till Nature, as she wrought thee, fell a-doting,
And by addition me of thee defeated,
By adding one thing to my purpose nothing.
But since she prick'd thee out for women's pleasure,
Mine be thy love and thy love's use their treasure."

Patton's eyes were such a bright blue, such a colour could never be forgotten even when they're greyed out. They were always so wide and happy in every situation, from a boring math lesson to when he was going to support Roman in his leading role in the musical when...

"I'm back." Logan appeared through the door holding even more books under his arm. He ruffled his hair and placed the books down in his disturbed pile he always kept in the closet. He realised the mess his neatly made pile had become straight away by the two other ghosts in the room. He then realised Roman holding a large book of definitely love poems. "Was I disturbing something?"

"No, no, nothing." Roman laughed, more nervous than Logan had ever heard him, quickly closing the book and handing it back to Logan to order the way he liked to order all his stolen books. "We were just playing around..." Roman ushered to Patton, who was sat in a ball with an equally pink blush on his face. Logan was definitely disturbing something. He turned to Roman.

"Did you think about January?"

That question held a lot of meaning for the three of them, and it meant a very specific feeling – that only Roman really acknowledged – that caused their death. Roman nodded. He was the one who mostly thought about 'January' – about the feelings he felt then and who he wanted to give his heart to before it tragically stopped beating. Patton Aristotle.

Logan sighed, making his way to sit with his little brother and wrap a protective arm around him. Deep inside Roman hated when he did that. Why was it acceptable for Logan to do that with his little brother but not for Roman to do that to the person that made him feel – feelings? Feelings he knew he could never feel for a girl even though everyone expected him to, and it's not like he had a chance to change that now. His feelings were dedicated to Patton, his mind held a shrine for him, he just wished he could be with him like normal people could.

"Roman, take a walk." Logan said sternly but gently, in the true caring way he did. He had no power to disagree as he was tearing up in front of the pair so nodded, made himself invisible and disappeared to any random point in the school. His emotions made him not fit to spend time with Patton now.

After a few minutes of silence Patton spoke cheerily. "What books did you get from the library Logie? Oh – and how was your meeting with Virgil too?" Logan could never stop smiling at his brother's voice, he was just so unbelievably happy when he spoke.

"The meeting was good." Patton noticed his brother's little smile on that last word, ruffling his hair again and pulling at the strands to look up at the ceiling. The smile was rare though not impossible; he wouldn't dare tell Logan about the other times he'd noticed that smile. "And the books are research on biology and human... behaviour."

Patton noticed the pause too as he reached over to grab a book. He loved reading with his brother, he didn't understand the words or concepts a lot of the time but his older brother was always there to explain and he loved seeing his brother get happy and excited over something. Even something as small as the life cycle of ants would entertain the pair for an hour. He stopped what he was doing reading the titles on this new collection: A meta-analysis of Homosexuality, Science and Homosexuality, Social Construction of Homosexuality. Had he realised what Patton had assumed since he knew there was more way of love?

"What's with the smi... Oh." Patton was practically jumping where he sat, his smile wide, his greyed eyes glowing. Logan held the opposite expression with a neutral raised eyebrow and awkward smirk showing his canine tooth. "It's not what you think. I'm not..." Patton was a volcano almost exploding with excitement. "No, Pat, Virgil is. I want to make sure I'm not... offensive." The excitement immediately died down, leaving Patton to tilt his head and give puppy eyes. "I just know I can be a bit insensitive sometimes and I want to avoid that. So I'm going to read modern research on the matter."

Of course Logan knew whether his brother understood what he was saying or not it would end the exact same way, a hug. Patton wrapped his arms above Logan's shoulder while Logan's arms were wrapped around his brother's waist, being the one responsible with keeping them balanced. He let a laugh loose, squeezing his brother tighter only for a second. He loved spending eternity with him.