(COMPLETE) Sanders Sides - Ghosts (analogical book)

Chapter 12 - Sleeping and Staring

TW - This is very gay and very cute!

Also - good news - I've finished pre-writing this book! Updates will be on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays now.

Words: 1442 Published: 2/4/2021

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Logan took a deep breath and stared up at the dark ceiling. Since Virgil had to stay the night at the school (neither of them wanted the police to be called and make a scene that Virgil would have to deal with the next day), Logan decided to show him the closet where the ghosts hid during the school day so he wouldn't be spotted when the first teachers arrived at school at 6am. He fell asleep there, and Logan was lying next to him in his invisible state. Logan did miss sleeping; ghosts didn't need it. He missed escaping everything and travelling to an illogical world where nothing made sense and nothing needed to make sense.

He turned to his side to face Virgil who was also sleeping on his side in the foetal position. His brown hair was brushed over his face to hide his closed eyes, his breathing steady and slow as his face lay on the back of one of his hands. His face was pale – well, a living person would believe it to be almost a lifeless pale but Logan knew the difference. To Logan, that face held so much life and happiness even in sleep. Logan felt like he couldn't look away. He watched Virgil's eyes move quickly as he slept (which was defined as a deep sleep, Virgil was definitely dreaming). He was just staring without much control with what he was doing.

Then a feeling happened. Nervousness. Logan hadn't felt feelings in years, let alone this kind of nervousness he was feeling at that moment. He couldn't even recall feeling this exact feeling before in his life. He could feel his arm lift and reach over. His hand floated over Virgil's cheek and the feeling continued ushering the ghost to silence as his eyes dragged themselves down to the lips of the person opposite him. The lips looked soft – was that a living trait? Logan couldn't feel his own lips but wouldn't doubt that they were always dry. Every cell in his body wished he could feel the texture of Virgil's lips.

"That's pretty gay." A voice chuckled beside Logan, revealing himself as Roman once Logan turned. The feeling disappeared looking at Roman and again returned the numb feeling of death.

Logan sighed and stood, thanking anyone that was out there that both he and Roman were invisible and therefore silent to Virgil's ears. He gave Roman a glare. "That was completely heterosexual. I just wanted to lie down and he needed to sleep."

Roman wouldn't look away from Logan even when he got a book from the shelf and sat on the floor to open it. Logan was trying his best to ignore, he didn't want to talk about that feeling with anyone – he hated feelings both when alive and as a ghost. But Roman never cared about that. He just sat opposite Logan and whispered. "Want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about." Logan said quietly, paying attention to his book – Maurice by E.M Forster. Logan could sense Roman's sighing and looking around to find something that got his friend to talk. But he refused to leave the words on the pages in front of him to look at his friend, trying to involve himself in the world of the book as if he was actually dreaming.

Roman looked at Logan's book, still smirking. "What's your book about?"

"A boy falling in love." Logan mumbled without thinking, then mumbled to himself. Roman ushered him to explain more. "It's about a boy falling in love with another boy. That means nothing in this current situation though."

Roman tried to meet Logan's eyes. "Logan..." Logan tried to ignore him and stare at the words in front of him, rising his knees up to block his friend from – whatever made him feel threatened by this situation. Roman held onto his knee. "Do you like Virgil, Specs?"

Logan shook his head quickly, looking up with his relaxed and neutral expression dropping into sadness. He tried to stutter out a refusal but something was stopping him – a feeling inside of him, the feeling. He could feel a lump in his throat as he silenced, staring at his translucent hand and his mind processed everything. But the only thing he could feel was his frenzied thoughts. Roman smiled softly as if he accomplished something. The look gave Logan his voice back. "No, no, no! I'm not! I've only been reading about homosexuality because I admire how brave he is. I just... admire him." His voice softened at the last two words, turning back to sleeping Virgil again and again just watching him. Roman waited for a few minutes before speaking again.

"High movements of the lips, slow movements and relaxation of the body, eyes expanding, even a small little smile – you're in love." Roman said gently matching his friend's monotone voice, a smile on his own lips along with a laugh.

"No, I am not." Logan managed to drag his eyes away from the sleeping person again and look at Roman, calmer this time. "We can't fall in love anyway as there's no 'heart' to beat quicker at attraction. But I am heterosexual." Roman rolled his eyes and gave a glance of disbelief. Logan could only groan, holding his head for a minute and shaking his head at himself. This is the opposite of what he wanted to happen. Roman seemed to be able to read his mind.

"What's wrong with being gay Logan?"

His breath hitched at Roman's question, messing with his hair again and daring to glance at Virgil. His fringe was hanging over his nose and swaying, making him paw his nose in his sleep to avoid sneezing and waking himself up. The small movement made Logan erupt into a large smile and Roman burst into a loud laugh. The laugh immediately made Logan ground himself and get his monotone glare again. "Roman – seriously – you know what's wrong with being gay... We all got hurt."

There was silence. Roman stopped laughing and his face became a frown. They both looked down for a moment to even think of what to say after that. Roman's eyes welled up and Logan could do nothing but go to his side and give him a hug.

Roman grasped onto his friend and let a few tears fall. Well, he couldn't feel the tears but he knew they were there and visible to Logan. After a few minutes of sadness there was another feeling appearing – anger. He died because of his sexuality, and here was his friend who died protecting his little brother denying that he could be gay too. Roman knew, from Remus, how Logan was hyped up in the media as a good and innocent person for protecting his brother whereas all Roman got after death was being outed and seeing how many fake friends he knew at high school. So many people ostracised him because of who he was and treated Logan like a martyr. Eventually the emotions boiling inside him came up, but he was too emotionally tired to have act on those emotions. "I can't believe you..."

Logan separated from Roman's hug and took a deep breath, his head turning back to sleeping Virgil. Perfect sleeping Virgil. Logan hated feelings. Everything else in life, and death, could be easily defined but this – this feeling was a mystery. The only part of this situation Logan could define was Virgil. And how did Logan define Virgil? Someone he wanted to see smile and laugh, someone to touch to feel his warmth, someone to hold to sense his heartbeat. It wasn't just a want to remember having a living body. It was a want for Virgil. Slowly everything about his feelings made sense. "I... Don't believe myself either." Logan managed to breath out, feeling the intense need to move his lips, relax his body, let his eyes expand and allow a small but happy smile to crawl on his lips. Roman also smirked and raised his eyebrows.

One thing was for sure, Logan had never felt like this before. It was exactly how his parents described falling in love with each other – the feeling his parents expected him to have 'sometime soon, when he looks up from his books and meets a nice girl'. Everyone told him it would happen in California, but it was happening now: when he was dead and hiding in a dark closet at 3am and facing a boy. And it was a boy, he continued repeating that in his head.

"I am in love with Virgil Church. That is pretty gay."