Houston

12

I'm in Nashville and saw Beyonce at Madame Tussauds.

Beyonce

After I checked in on Houston last night, I decided to go through her baby pictures. I took as many as I could when she was a baby. You basically had to pry the camera from my hands. The pictures helped alot after she was taken. A few too many to give to the police.

I looked through these pictures to only realize that I feel as if she doesn't see me as a mom. I want her to see me as a mom. I missed out on so many things. It did make me feel better that I can teach her to drive. She won't be able to though. I already have a driver lined up for her. As well as a bodyguard.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't hear the door open.

"O-Oh! Sorry! I- I didn't mean to interrupt but I got lo- curious?"

I stared at Houston with an amused look on my face.

"Lo- curious? Hmm. I don't think I've ever heard that word before. Is it some new word you kids came up with?" I said teasing her. It was fun to see her face turn red.

"It's fine, baby girl. Come sit with me." I patted on the floor next to me indicating where she should sit.

She hesitated before slowly moving toward me and sitting down. I waited until she got comfortable before I started.

"I had you on a Monday. I was really scared. I had been in hiding for a few months. We didn't want the paps to picture me pregnant. I mean, the world already knew but my dad figured it'd be better for my career. So, I went into labor. I was terrified. I regretted telling the doctor that I didn't want to know if you were a boy or girl. Solo insisted that you were a girl. Like we explained before."

I sighed.

"I felt.... unprepared. Scared. Like I was failing."

"Already!?. You hadn't had me yet!" She cut me off.

I just smiled at her.

"I..... didn't want to screw up. And girl if you interrupt me one more time, imma do to you what my momma did to me. Okay?"

She nodded.

"Man! All I did was take pictures of you. You were the most beautiful baby I had seen. And you were all mine. When you were taken, I got depressed. Jay and I put out a song called '03 Bonnie and Clyde and soon after we started dating. He helped me with my pain. But it still hurt. A lot. We got married and had Blue but everytime I saw Blue. I.... saw you."

"Well, now you have me. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave. I promise." She bumped my shoulder.

"Yeah. Look. It's you and me after you were born." I said with a giant smile.

"You look gorgeous." She gushed.

"Uh. No. I look sweaty. I just gave birth!"

"I can see that. Childbirth is beautiful. Your bringing new life and light into this amazing world."

I stared at her.

I couldn't help but stare at her. She's so...... amazing and smart.

I love her soooo much.

She continued on talking about..... whatever she was talking about.

"Hey!" She exclaimed as she snapped her fingers in my face.

I looked at her with an unimpressed look.

She had the nerve to look innocent.

"Anyway. You hungry?"

"A tiny bit"

I bumped her.

"Lets get a snack. I don't wanna fill you up too much."

Her and I snuck down to the kitchen to eat some ice cream. Afterwards I took her back to bed and I went to bed myself. I fell asleep a little easier that night.

When I woke up the next morning, I immediately went to check on my girls. Blue was still asleep and I wasn't surprised. She could sleep through a hurricane. Houston was awake.

She was sitting on her bed....meditating? I guess she could feel me staring because she looked up at the door and smiled.

"Hey." She spoke softly.

"Hi." I whispered back.

"What's for breakfast?"

Good question. I shrugged.

I motioned for her to get ready and meet me downstairs. She nodded. I walked back to Blue's room to work through the task of waking her up.

She got up after 10 minutes and I quickly washed up. I brought Blue down to eat aaaaannnnd.... it looks like Blue is having pancakes and Houston and I were having fruit bowls. I understand now why she likes them so much.

We finished up breakfast and watched cartoons with Blue. Well, Blue watched cartoons. Houston and I spoke. Quietly. I wanted to know everything about her as soon as possible. I spoke a little about myself too. She don't need to know everything about her momma.

"I'm glad that you're here." I said softly as to not agitate Blue.

Houston nodded with a smile on her face.

"Bey?"

"Yeah?"

"When can I talk to my family?" I froze up. Then felt myself get angry.

"Ummm. I don't know."

"Oh. Well it's been a week since I saw them and came to stay with you. I just miss them."

"Live with me."

"Pardon?"

"Live with me. You said, 'stay with you' but your not staying with me. You're living with me."

"Oh. I-I didn't me-" I cut her off.

"You're my daughter. MY daughter. Not theirs. I carried you for nine months and then you were stripped away from me and now you just wanna waltz on back out of my life. Well that's tough Houston, because as long as you're a minor, you're going to live by my rules!! So STOP asking about the Davids!! I'M YOUR FAMILY! NOT THEM!!"

I looked at her and she had tears in her eyes. Oh.

"No, you're not. Family is deeper than blood. And you. I don't even know you. You're not my mom and you might not ever be. I miss my family and I will always love them. Maybe even more than I love you!!" She shouted back. She stormed to her room and stayed there.

"Is sissy gonna leave us again?" Blue asked

I hope not. God, I really hope not.