He's Something Special

Doubts

"So you're telling me, we just fell asleep? Together? In the same bed?"
"Yes? Why.. why with all the questions?"

Ranboo was spitting out questions at me, not answering of my own but I guess that's fine. Not that I care. Sadge. Kidding, it's funny to watch his expressions change. Maybe I get why he's freaking out and crap, but I don't show it.

Showing it would only prove why he's freaking out in the first place. It would just make it seem like a bigger deal and then it would all awkward and I don't want to deal with that.

"I just want to know! Is it bad to want to know what happened after I passed out?"
"Yes."
"Wh-"
"Get more sleep and you wouldn't have passed out."

He sighs in defeat and gives up, finding it impossible to argue with me. I'm so smart. He does need more sleep though, I don't know what he does staying up so late but he needs sleep.

Not like he needs it for school though, I swear he has the highest grades in some of his classes. He's so smart. We're both smart.

"Okay, okay, you win I guess. Would you want to come over again.. though?"
"Oh, uhm, maybe..? I don't know if my mom has anything planned."
"It's fine if you can't, it was just an idea."

He smiles down at me as we eat our lunch together. Since we only have the last two classes together now, lunch is the earliest we can talk to each other.

Yeah there's in the morning before school starts but that's not enough time to really say anything. And it's outside. No one likes outside.

No one really likes school either but it's kind of a big deal if you don't go. And I like seeing Ranboo. He makes it better. I also get to see his doodles whenever he brings his notebook to lunch.

He tells the teacher it's for another teacher to go over the notes during a class he had, but that's just a straight up lie. Little do they know.

Very rarely though, on really special occasions, I get to borrow his book for day when we meet up in the mornings. Since he always doodles on my stuff, I leave barely noticable doodles in his. It's funny when he flips through his pages to find actual notes, and just passes all of my drawings and just lose it in class.

At first I felt so bad for distracting him but then he said it was the funniest thing and I wanted to do it more. He's very considerate, and loves to joke around when he can afford to.

All his AP classes give him a lot of homework and studying, so I can't do anything until he's done. But he still likes to have me on call with him sometimes when it stresses him out. He hasn't admitted that yet, but I could tell.

I love helping him whenever I can, so canceling movie nights on occasion is worth it. I haven't told him that yet either so we're even. Everything just works when we're together.

"I think I can make it." I announce after thinking it through, knowing my mom wouldn't care if I spent one more day with Ranboo.

After I told her a bit about him, she likes him too, and trusts we won't get into trouble. Which, c'mon, who doesn't? We're a couple of kids with some free time, we will sure as hell make the most of it.

"Yes." He cheers and pumps his fist, making me laugh. That's why I do all of this for him, to make him laugh. To make him smile, to make him happy. Also because he bounces when he laughs and it's the most adorable thing I have ever seen. 

As expected, the bell rings. Signifying lunch is over and our next class period starts soon. But lucky for us, we have the last lunch period so now we have chemistry together right away.

I'm so glad we have the same lunch shift without having the same class. It just makes everything so much better. Especially how his class is closer than mine, so he will wait at the door for me to walk to chemistry together and it's so cute seeing his little head pop in when he's ready.

The little smile that stands out. No one else really notices it, but I do. And that seems like enough for him, because he hasn't stopped doing it once. Every single day, he's here. Sometimes, though, I wish it wasn't just at school. I wish it was at home.

Sometime during the weekend, early afternoon so we can both get some sleep, stepping in with a shout and snacks ready. I dreamed of that happening for weeks. Of course, I could just ask. But then he would do it because I asked him too, not because he truly wanted to on his own time.

It would mean a lot either way, but the surprise would be different.

That's stupid, (Y/n). He invited you over, twice. Even dragged you there once, and you never asked. He wanted you over there, he wanted to spend time with you.

That must mean something, right? How could it not? That's stupid as well, stop overthinking everything. You have a good friendship going, keep it that way. Don't ruin it.

"Did you get all the notes from yesterday?" A voice snaps me out of it, and startles me. Ranboo just has that affect on me. He just pops up, with that little pep in his step, and my day brightens.

I think back to yesterday, recalling seeing a board upfront with lots of writing, but not knowing a single word on it. Everything just slipped my mind.

"Uhm.. yeah, yeah I did." I didn't. But he doesn't need to know. There's going to be more notes today and I want to make sure he has them. If I have his book to copy the ones from yesterday, then we'll both be a day behind. I don't want that.

He doesn't say anything for a moment, thinking over my words. But he eventually does. "Cool, cool, cool." He responds with a chill voice. It made me confused for a second, why his normally optimistic outlook turned down a bit when I answered.

He doesn't know I'm lying right? I might not be a good liar, but it wasn't too obvious. I wasnt nervous, which is usually a big sign.

I couldn't get them yesterday because I couldn't stop getting distracted by Ranboo himself. He wasn't even doing anything. He was just sitting, focused on the lesson, occasionally bouncing his leg or flicking his pencil.

It was such a small detail that almost every student does, but it stood out to me. I remember doing that all the time when I was lost in a lesson.

Not knowing whatever concept we were on could be scary. It could lead to falling behind, bad grades, bad tests. Most of all, I would look stupid. And I care just a bit too much about what others think of me.

Which is why when all the other kids asked about me and Ranboo, I couldn't answer. What if they thought it was weird? What if they thought I was weird and should be with someone else more in my league.

Plus the contant stares down the hallways, I can't ignore them. And yet, Ranboo always seems unfazed by it all. I wish I could be like him. Smart as hell, relaxed as could be at times, be adored by everyone he meets. He's like the friendly popular kid at school in all the movies. He's the main character.

He's special.

I'm not.