I Love You, Man

You're an Even Bigger Idiot

"Um, Nat, I don't think we have enough balloons..."

She looked around the lounge and smiled, easily sensing your sarcasm and choosing to ignore it, proud of herself in her decorative prowess. "I think that if you didn't want to help, you don't get a say in it."

"I do like the red that you've added here and there, like a baby Cap. But I give it thirty minutes before the guys start sucking all this helium."

"That's being pretty generous."

"Ya think?" you asked cautiously. "I suppose...have you seen what Tony's got stocked at the bar? He's acting like this is some huge social event, not just a get-together to meet CJ. He's gone a little nuts."

"Consider the source," she smiled with a gentle squeeze of your hand. "I'm going to get ready. Did Steve say how long before they get back?"

You pulled out your phone and quickly scrolled through your messages to see if he had sent an update, finding one from Wanda instead. "Yep, of course," you sighed. "Wanda said they'll be late, about another half an hour. Chris and Robert are doing impromptu autographs at the airport and Steve's having trouble dragging them away."

"Just tell Chris that you're dying to see him. He'll sprint."

"What?" you gasped, your eyes wide at her insinuation. "What the hell does that mean?"

Natasha shook her head and began to walk away, but you reached out and grabbed her arm firmly, making her wince at your strength. "Hey, ouch," she snapped, pulling away. "You know that boy's had a thing for you since day one. Don't act like you didn't, (Y/N)."

"But I'm married to Steve and we have a baby now, Nat. There's zero chance here."

"Of course, but that doesn't make the feelings just go away."

~~~

"I'm Captain America, I'm the manliest man of all men," Chris mocked, his voice high from helium, "I could do this all day. Fight me."

"I'm Chris Evans, I can't decide which superhero I want to be, so I'll just play them all," Steve replied with a laugh, his voice just as squeaky.

"Come on, you wanna fight me, flag boy?"

"You fight awkwardly," Steve laughed, his voice slowly deepening as the effects were wearing off. "And flag boy? That all you got, you smartass wannabe?"

"America's not as great as you think it is."

The small group of men who were gathered around them gasped and let out jeers of disapproval and encouragement to fight, catching your attention from far across the room. "Excuse me, my idiot senses are tingling. Already," you shook your head, handing your son to and eagerly awaiting Nick who disappeared with him almost immediately to flaunt him in front of Maria. It felt almost like an Olympic obstacle course to get to them, hopping over outstretched legs and dodging tables placed around the room, covered in empty glasses and hors d'oeuvres. You leaned down quickly to grab a snack that you'd been eyeing since the party started, popping into your mouth as you scurried, since you had yet been given even a moment to eat.

"I swear if I see one fist swing, I'll knock both of your asses to the ground," you scolded, stepping between them with your hands extended. "And you guys are no help! This isn't a bar, this isn't some repeat of that damn bachelor party, and it sure as hell isn't a place to pick a fight. This is our home, and if you all can't respect that, then maybe you should leave."

"Holy shit, Cap," Sebastian laughed, "you've got your hands full. She's in full mommy mode.

You spun on your heel to face him and glared with an intensity that made him shrink back in his chair. "You wanna go, Stan?"