Staged and Confused | LRH

breathtaking. 10

Luke's Perspective

The first day of tour was always the most boring day of the tour. Especially since today happened to be rainy. We decided to take today slow, and we were all relaxing around the bus to make sure tonight's first show was a good one.

We had about 4 hours until we made it to the city and then 3 hours until soundcheck. I planned to nap until we arrived, just so that I was energized enough to put on a good first show.

I like to put my all into each and every show for a multitude of reasons. Firstly, the fans deserve it. They've continuously shown me and the band support and are giving their time, and money to us with hopes of entertainment, and I plan to provide it. Secondly, I love performing. I love the roars of the audience commanding me to give it my all for them, the bright smiles, the cheers, it is everything I have ever wanted.

Lex is going to be joining us for a song every night and I'm interested to see how that goes. Writing teeth with her was easy, well we may have an absurd amount of disagreements outside of the studio, in those studio walls we have no struggle whatsoever putting together a song. The bass line she wrote for Cal is fucking phenomenal and I'm genuinely excited to see how that transfers to our stage presence.

Management really wants Lex and I to play up our relationship on stage when we perform teeth and make the fans believe that there is something between us without telling them that there is. Personally, I think it's crazy and I don't understand how so many of our fans have come up with the idea that the two of us are in a relationship.

Not only do I think this is an unbelievable scheme, but it is ridiculous to ask us to act on stage. I'm a singer, and so is Lex, neither of us signed on to become actors when proceeding with our musical careers and it's not fair to us. I don't even know how to act, let alone when I'm performing. When I'm performing I'm my most natural self, acting on instinct and adrenaline rather than a plan, and I seriously cannot wrap my head around how they expect us to do anything other than that.

Plus it's changing my tour schedule. Apparently, they want Lex and I to go meet fans before and after shows separate from the guys like we usually do. That is a whole additional setback, if we have to wait longer so that we can meet fans separately, that completely changes the times we would leave arenas.

They want paps or fans to get pictures of us too, and have told us that if we go out in groups, for us to stick together so that in photos fans get, we are always close and it's just ridiculous. Lex and I have hung out together, or stuck together in groups plenty of times so I don't know why they have to force us to stick together for a few extra photos. It is kind of ridiculous if you ask me.

Hanging out with Lex is not even what I have a problem with, the problem I have is that if all these pictures of Lex and I start spreading, it means that photos of other girls and I can't spread. Meaning that I have to put a halt to my personal relationships, not that I have one. But it also means that I won't be able to have a one night stand without the risk of them tipping off TMZ or the paps getting a picture of us. I'm not a very strings attached kind of guy anymore and I can't even have that to myself now.

I'm not mad at Lex for any of this, I feel for her too because she is going through the same struggles. I love my job but I despise the power that these people have over my life and relationships.

My mind still hasn't left this morning though, I can't shake the thought of Lex having a nightmare out of my head. She said that she usually goes to Ashton or Calum when she has them, does that mean she has them often? Have I been blind to her struggling for long? I've obviously noticed her changes in behaviour, she has been struggling to be her old self since her breakup but I thought that was it. I thought that was just her process of getting through her breakup. I never realized that she was struggling, and now I can't help but wish I had noticed sooner and was there for her.