The big book of rants for not-so-average black girls

Chile where yall been?

Hey my dimes💗💗

How've y'all been?

Catch me up on how everything's been.

Me personally,2020 was a struggle. I struggled really bad with alcoholism & self harm throughout the second half of the year. Around the end of December 2020 things got a little better for me. I still struggle a lot with self harm,impulsivity & just really bad thoughts. A few days ago I hadda breakdown and cut off all of my hair lol (and I dyed it) and although I feel really ugly right now I have to deal with it. My mental health is up and down a lot although it's mostly down  I'm trying to focus on the good.

What was a major theme in 2020 for you?

For me,self control was a huge theme. I was in a lot of situations where I felt like I was out of control or like I was letting other people control me. As previously mentioned,my struggle with self harm...it felt like more of a struggle with self control.

We all have urges but how often do we ever act on those urges? Hardly ever,right? Exactly. I felt like I wasn't myself & the people that tried their hardest to help,couldn't help because they didn't know what it was like. A lot of the people who tried to help me never dealt with anything like what I was going through,or they never knew people that hurt themselves.

Most days were really hard for me buttttttt I made it,and I'm here! It's still a huge struggle most days but I'm fighting as much as I can.

As for my impulsivity..... I pierced my navel around October because I just really wanted to feel better & I thought a piece of jewelry would make me feel better (and it did). It ended up falling out tho and I was very veryyyyy upset for a really long time (I actually still am & I'm thinking bout getting it re-pierced). I struggled with alcoholism & always wanting to get high,and for MONTHS I wasn't sober. Literal months of 2020 are all a blur to me.

I learned to love tho. I learned to be patient. I learned to be kind. To myself!

What felt like a tragedy was really just me getting to know myself & start building a relationship with myself more. I was doing heavyyyyyy shadow work and getting to the root of a lot of my problems & yes it felt good but it was a very hard and exhausting process.

Although this isn't even half of what I went through last year, I am proud of myself tho,I'm proud of my strength & resilience💗. What're you proud of yourself for?

Let me know what's up! Anything y'all want me to discuss in my next chapter?? Talk to me! What's y'all's social media accounts? Let's connect!💗

I was thinking about just discussing my books with y'all in the next chapter... like what books did y'all like from me,which ones did you hate,talking about the process of how I write for each character and how I come up with descriptions. Lmk if y'all are interested in that OR y'all wanna focus on another topic

✨.