Kissing the Rake (Howertys #2)

Chapter 32: Believe Me

Jacob stopped outside the door to the sitting room he shared with Jessica and took a deep breath. They'd returned home a short while ago and she had gone upstairs to get ready for bed while he had gone to the library to have a drink. He'd cut down on his drinking a lot since marrying Jessica, often nursing the same glass for a good hour. Tonight, he needed a stiff drink. He couldn't believe Merilyn was back in London. Or that bloody Winter had repeated the infernal rumours he never seemed able to escape.

Now he would have to tell his wife about Merilyn. It was a part of his life he'd rather forget. It had led to the final rift between him and his father, sundering their already fragile relationship. The ton had its own version of the story, the version his father subscribed to. How could he expect Jessica to believe his version when not even his own father did?

Steeling himself, he pushed the door open and went inside. The sitting room was empty. After hearing Winter's words, would she have returned to her own bedchamber, or was she in his? Taking a chance, he walked to his room and a sigh of relief escaped him as he found her sat cross-legged in the middle of the bed. If she'd not immediately distanced herself from him, there might still be some hope. Maybe she would listen.

As always, she looked beautiful, her golden hair glowing like a halo around her head from the lamp on the nightstand and the waning fire in the grate. Dressed in a white nightgown, she watched him as he closed the door behind him and came further into the room.

Stopping halfway between the door and the bed, he ran his hand through his hair, not sure what to make of her sombre expression. "I didn't want you to find out about Merilyn this way."

"Were you ever going to tell me about her?"

"Honestly? I probably hoped I would never have to. She's irrelevant to us. However, she's here now and people are gossipping so you deserve to know the full story. The true story."

A flicker of uncertainty crossed her face. "Were you really betrothed?"

"Not exactly." He moved another few steps closer to the bed. "There was something of an understanding between our families. They wanted us to get married, and we were both content to follow their wishes, but I was young and not in a rush. Wanted to enjoy London before settling down."

She raised an eyebrow. "You wanted to continue being a rake."

It wasn't a question, but he answered anyway. "I suppose. If that's what you want to call it."

"Is there another way to describe it?"

He flashed her a quick smile. "I've definitely been a rake, I won't lie. However, my conquests are not nearly as impressive as the ton would have them."

"Even if you've only done half of what they say..." She rolled her eyes before adding sarcastically, "It's impressive."

"I can't change my past, Jessica," he said, serious now. "I can only change my future."

"Did you love her?" The question surprised him. Why did she care if he'd loved Merilyn? She was the one in love with someone else.

"No. It certainly wasn't a love match. She was beautiful and intelligent, but I've never loved anyone."

"I see." She bowed her head, shielding her expression from his gaze. Then she looked up and met his eyes. "And then you ruined her and decided you didn't want to get married after all?"

Anger and disappointment surged through him. So she'd made her mind up, then. Like everyone else, she judged him without giving him the chance to tell his side. Though it hardly mattered. No one believed him anyway.