DSMP Angst One Shots

Part 2 (Uncreative Title)

Just a bit of Wilbur Soot Angst.  TW FOR EATING DISORDER, PANIC ATTACK, SUICIDAL IDEATION, AND INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS. (I don't condone McCafferty's actions in any way.)

Wilbur sat in the corner of his room, trying to keep himself together, if only a little bit. His mind was racing, as well as his heart. Wilbur tried to calm himself, McCafferty practically blasting into his ear.

I hurt people's feelings, I guess I should die

But my body says hurt myself, and my heart says to harm myself

But my wife said to love myself, so what I to do myself?

This music sunk Wilbur deeper into his spiral. He wanted to die.

Die.

Die.

Die.

But he couldn't. He needs to hurt himself. But even then, he doesn't deserve that. Wilbur let out a soft sob. "So many people are in much worse situations than me, so why the fuck am I like this?" Wilbur managed. "I just don't fucking understand. I try, and I try, and I try, but nothing happens." Wilbur fell to the ground and curled up into a ball. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do either.

Wilbur stayed still, hoping the music would drown his thoughts out.

Nothing was helping. Absolutely nothing was helping. Wilbur's breaths started to get labored as his thoughts got worse. "I can't, they can't know. It would only hurt them," Wilbur forced out as if convincing himself.

YOU DONT DESERVE THEM. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING? YOU'RE JUST A USELESS PIECE OF TRASH THAT PEOPLE WILL JUST USE WHEN THEY CHOOSE. NO ONE TRULY "LOVES" YOU. NO ONE EVER WILL. IT'S ABOUT TIME YOU JUST GIVE UP. YOU SHOULDN'T KEEP GOING. THERE'S NO POINT IN DOING SO. TECHNO, TUBBO, TOMMY, PHILZA, SCHLATT: EVERYONE HATES YOU. YOU KNOW THIS ALREADY, DON'T YOU? JUST GO. NO ONE WOULD NOTICE, AND EVEN IF THEY MANAGE TO, THEY'LL JUST CONTINUE WITH THEIR LIVES AS IF NOTHING HAPPENED. IN FACT, THEY'LL CELEBRATE YOUR DEATH. YOU ARE JUST A BURDEN FOR EVERYONE. JUST DIE. JUST JUMP OFF A ROOF AND DIE. JUST HANG YOURSELF AND DIE. JUST STAB YOURSELF IN THE STOMACH AND DIE. JUST SLIT YOUR WRISTS AND DIE. JUST DIE. YOU COULD NEVER BE WORTHY OF LOVE.

Wilbur still just laid there, hoping for relief to wash over him. While in his thoughts, Wilbur heard a stiff knock at his door. Quickly wiping the tears from his face, Wilbur stood up and removed all emotion from his face.

Wilbur carefully opened the door to reveal a worried Techno. "Uh," Wilbur stammered, "What do you need?

Techno sighed loudly, pretending not to notice the tears staining Wilbur's shirt. "Ah, it's just time for dinner all. Come down when you want to. Food'll get cold eventually though."

Wilbur said nothing in response but just nodded his head. Techno gave Wilbur a quick, stiff nod and response and headed back with the rest of the family. After this interaction, he practically collapsed on the ground. To have to talk to someone and pretend to be okay was way past his breaking point.

Breathing deeply, Wilbur crawled back to his bed and curled up in the sheets. He wasn't going to eat today. That was too much mental strain, and god knows he couldn't take any more. Instead of crying, he just passed out, sleeping without rest nor dreams.

Wilbur groggily opened his eyes and peered around the darkroom. Yep, it was exactly the way he had left it. Wilbur let out a breath of relief, knowing that no one had been in his room that day.

Wilbur sat up slowly and just stared at the wall. That was it. Nothing else. The wall was just so... there. Spacing out (like hardcore), he didn't notice the knock on the door. Carefully, a worried Philza peered in. Wilbur didn't even notice him as he continued to stare at the wall. "Uh, Wil?" Philza said quietly, trying to get his attention. No response. Philza walked over towards Wilbur and tapped him on the shoulder. Wilbur jumped, and turned his head in the direction of Philza, blinking ever so slowly. "Hello," Wilbur managed, still not in the room with him.

"Hey, Wil. I just brought some food up for you today. Make sure to at least have a little bit okay?" Philza handed Wilbur the paper plate and began walking out of the room.

Wilbur couldn't do anything but stare down at that food with disgust. He was already fat enough as is, he didn't need any more weight added. He stood up and dumped the plate into the trash. Still blinking slowly, Wilbur sat back down onto his bed and continued to stare at the empty wall.

It felt like seconds had passed when Wilbur finally came back to his senses. Leaning over, he checked the time. "Damn," he muttered, "it's already 1 am. Maybe I should go to sleep." Instead of doing this, Wilbur stood up and went down into the kitchen. Surprisingly, a wide-eyed Techno was still awake. "Uh, hey," Wilbur said awkwardly, getting some water out of the Samsung fridge. Techno glanced up at him, nodded his head slowly, and went back to reading his book.

Staring at the ground in embarrassment, Wilbur crept back up to his room and sat back down on his bed. Slowly, he drank the whole glass of water without a break. Sighing, he set the glass down on the nightstand beside him and laid down. What fucking luck do I have? A small voice in Wilbur's head whispered as the voices started to arise.