DSMP Angst One Shots

Wilbur's Downfall

TW- SELF-HARM, SLEEP DEPRIVATION, EATING DISORDER, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/IDEATION, AND SELF-HATRED (I guess). 

WILBUR POV-

I scratched at my throat, hoping that awful sensation would go away. It just hurt so badly. My pain hurt constantly, but I couldn't fix that. If I took meds, I would try and overdose. If I ate, I would just hurt myself and throw it up anyways. 

It had been weeks since I had cut. I was just really proud of that. No one else really seemed to care though. No one else was proud of me. Every single fucking day was a struggle just to get through, but no one cared. Not Phil, Techno, Schlatt, Tommy, Dream, George, Bad, Skeppy, Puffy, Niki. 

Every day I had to look at my arms. Every day I was reminded of the failure that I am. I was weak. I am weak. I can't do anything right. I can't even take care of myself in a normal manner. I'm worthless.

 I'm a burden. I just can't do this. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to cut. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. I need to. (Need doesn't look like a real word anymore).

I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. My head was spinning and I was getting shaky. I couldn't let anyone see me like this. I'm supposed to be the responsible older brother, not a fucking mess. 

I smiled slightly, and quietly pulled open the bottom drawer. There laid a sharp blade; sharp enough to even kill me. At this thought, I smiled. Death would be nice. It would be a sweet release. A sweet release from everything that's been happening. 

I've been told time and time again that I'm selfish. After my other attempts, "How could you do something so selfish?" Over and over and over. For most of my life, I've never put myself first. I've always made sure that other people were taken care of. Why am I not allowed to be selfish this once? This would only benefit everyone. It wouldn't matter. I would be gone and that's what needs to happen. 

I slowly started dragging the blade across my arm. Little drops of crimson started to appear on my skin, giving instant relief. I wanted more. I needed more. I needed it. I started to go deeper and longer. It felt so good. Everything felt so nice. 

I started laughing, realizing how truly amazing this was. I couldn't get over this feeling. It was practically like heaven came to Earth, and I'm an atheist! 

My thoughts had started to calm, but my head was starting to get really light. I quickly glanced at my arm and saw how much blood there was. I tried to stand up, but I couldn't. Again, my legs were too heavy to move. Slowly, the world started to get dark and blurry. 

After what seemed like hours later, I pushed myself off the floor. The floor was sticky with blood and the air was filled with iron. I forced myself to stand up and I grabbed the washcloth off the counter. I began to scrub the blood off the floor, only to realize that this washcloth was ruined. There was no way that this was going to go away. 

I finally got the floor cleaned up. It took a while, but it was important. I grabbed some clean cloth bandages from the same drawer that the blade was in, and started wrapping my arm. It hurt like absolute hell, but I had to do this. I need to at least keep it covered so others don't find out. They can't know.

After god knows how long, I emerged from the bathroom. I quickly checked the time. Ah, it was only 3 am. No one was awake and wouldn't be for a while. I can do whatever. 

I went back to my room and swiftly turned around. What time had I gone in there...? It had been six hours. I went in there around 9 pm. I was in there for six hours. Horror slowly started filling my face. Oh no. Oh no. Everyone was asleep already right? No one cared where I was right? 

I gave myself a quick second to just not do anything and went straight to bed. Whatever had happened, didn't. I was only in there for a couple of hours. Yeah, only a couple, I had stayed awake for a while. 

Slowly the sun started creeping over the hills and I opened my eyes. I had literally gotten an hour of sleep. I didn't know how I was going to make it through the day, but that was an issue for future me.

I went downstairs to get some breakfast, knowing that I probably won't eat anything else for the rest of the day. Tommy, Techno, and Tubbo were already downstairs sitting at the table. Philza was preparing pancakes and some bacon. 

"Morning, Phil," I grumbled, still partially asleep. 

"Good morning Wil. Did you sleep alright?" He laughed. 

I shrugged. "I mean, it could have been better, but it could have been worse. Is something going on today?"

At this, Phil busted out laughing. The laughter caught like a wildfire, and soon everyone except me was practically crying. 

"Oh my gods," Phil said through tears, "you're too much sometimes. What do you mean is something going on today? It's your birthday Wil!"

"Ah, right. That was today," I muttered practically to myself, realizing how dumb I had sounded. I grabbed a small pancake from Phil's plate and headed back to my room. Today was going to be a very, very long day. 

AN- Thank you so much for reading! This will, at some point, have another part. Also, sorry for not writing as much as I normally would. I've been trying to get my mental health to a somewhat okay state, so it's been harder for me to write.