DSMP Angst One Shots

Pressure (2)

Preface: I just want to say, although this is such a late addition, that this series will continue. I'm open to requests. I know, it's almost been a year since I've posted to this, but I got back into my dsmp phase, you can decide if that's good or bad, and things are getting bad again, so here I am. 

TW- SELF-HARM, SUICIDE ATTEMPT, DISSOCIATION, AND SELF-HATRED/BLAME

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TOMMY POV:

I stood up slowly, staring over the edge of that bridge. What have I done here? Why can't I remember any of this? My head was pounding, and I could hardly stand up. 

I gave up and sat down. The current was moving quickly, but somehow, it was comforting. It reminded me that I will always have a way out. I lay down, giving up on even trying to do anything. I was left alone with my thoughts, swirling around in my head. 

I just wanted to inch off this bridge. Let those waters consume me and just let go of everything. I wouldn't have to be tired, or sick anymore. I could finally be at peace. It would be the ending truly fit for me. 

I sat up startled. Shit. I remember everything. 

FLASHBACK (I think this was part of another story, but I honestly can't find it soo... whatever.)

I was on the street, sobbing. I don't remember what happened that day, but it had set me off. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take any of this anymore. 

I wanted a show. I wanted everyone to see just how sad and pathetic I really was. No one had believed me before, so they sure will now. 

I pulled a blade out of my bag. Carelessly I slashed my wrists, and the blood began to pour. I could feel every part of it, and it was exhilarating. I looked up at the sky and smiled before collapsing to the ground. 

FLASHBACK FINISHED

So that was how Wilbur found me. Shit. I didn't want to do that to him. I didn't want to do that to anyone, let alone one of the most important people to me. 

But it was too late. That had already happened. There was nothing I can do about it. Should I go talk to him about it? Should I just play dumb and try to live my life anew? Or should I just finish what I had started?

I couldn't decide, so I just let my feet take me. I noticed that I was going towards the house, so reluctantly, I pushed towards it and tried to clear my head. 

WILBUR POV:

Fuck. Fuck. What the hell have I done? It has been hours. Tommy's still not home. What am I going to do? Who am I supposed to ask for help? Things are already so complicated, and I had decided earlier to not let Tubbo get involved. 

I stared at the ceiling, trying not to break. I didn't know what to do. Did he really do it? Did he finish what he had started? I couldn't breathe. 

I heard the door open and nearly fell off the couch. Holy fuck. It was Tommy. 

I practically squealed and ran over to Tommy. As I wrapped my arms around him, he flinched. I backed off, trying to gather myself. 

"Hey Tommy, welcome back," I whispered, trying not to startle him again. 

He looked up at me, grimacing and trying to put on a smile. "Hey Wil, I'm sorry."

My eyes went wide. He called me Wil. Does he remember? Does he finally fucking remember?

"Tommy," I tried through quiet sobs, "do you remember everything?"

He nodded, not even looking at me. 

TOMMY POV:

Fuck I couldn't do this. I didn't want to tell him. I didn't know what to even tell him. 'Hey sorry about that Wil, I just couldn't anymore. You know how life is, it pushes until you just can't anymore, right? I couldn't anymore and I wanted to show everyone who I really was. 

Judging by his face, that was probably the last thing he wanted to hear. He wanted me to say that I was okay now, because of what happened, and I wouldn't ever do it again. I was totally done with it. That would just be one stupid lie. I failed at the one thing that should have been my last. 

Fuck. I don't want to do this. I can't do this. I'm barely keeping myself from running back to that bridge and jumping off, so how the fuck am I supposed to keep up an act? I kept it up for so long, but that won't work anymore. Everyone saw what happened. Everyone knows. 

I glanced back up at Wil, and his face was plagued with concern. I plastered a smile back on my face and tried to talk. "I'm sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have done that. I'm so sorry about all the pain I've caused you. I'm sorry. I'm so stupid. Please. Don't forgive me. I won't ever deserve it." My smile faltered, and I clenched my jaw. 

Wil practically launched himself at me, not holding back this time. He wrapped me so tight in a hug that I couldn't breathe.

"Tommy," he said through gasps of air, "please never apologize for something like that. I should've seen what was happening. I should've been there for you. I should've realized that all of this was happening. I just ignored all of it, hoping that you would be fine. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm the one who's sorry. I couldn't protect you."

Tears were pouring out of my eyes, and they burned. What does he mean? Why is he sorry? I did this all to myself. Why... why the hell is he apologizing? 

I stared at him in disbelief, just shaking my head. "Wil, I did this to myself. I wanted to die. It has nothing to do with you. None of this is your fault. It's all mine. I chose to do that, and I'll take the consequences with it. Please, don't blame yourself. I beg of you, please, at least for me."

Wil didn't look the least bit convinced, but he nodded. 

He led me up to my room to be alone. I couldn't ever show how sorry I was for putting this on him, but I would never be better. I know that this was going to happen again. Honestly, if I could find my knife, I'd slit my wrists right now. But I don't want him to clean up the mess, so for now, I'll just have to suffer through all of this. 

A/N- Well, I finished another chapter. I hope it was fine. Please take care of yourselves and remember, no matter what, you and your needs will always come first. You deserve to be taken care of and loved. 

Also, I'm thinking about possibly starting a book based on my own characters, but dealing with a lot of issues seen in these one-shots. Is that something you all would be interested in reading?