DSMP Angst One Shots

Pressure

I'm really sorry about this being such a late chapter. This whole book thing is just more of a vent for me, pushing it onto characters I really like. I lost motivation and fell back into some really bad habits for those few months. I'm trying to get used to expressing myself again, so please bear with me. These will be really all over the place for a little bit. I can't promise they'll be good either, but thank you for all your patience. 

TW- DISSOCIATION, AMNESIA, AND SELF HARM

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TOMMY POV;

I sat up in bed, trying to catch my breath. Where was I? 

I looked around, but I didn't recognize anything around me. It was familiar, but I didn't know any of it. I tried to stand up, but I just fell back onto the bed. My head was pounding; I couldn't see. 

I tried to breathe, but I couldn't. My lungs felt like iron and every breath hurt more than the last. I was suffocating alone, with no memory of what happened or where I was. 

A lanky figure appeared in the doorway and quickly rushed over to me. "Tommy, Tommy? Listen to my voice," the voice instructed. 

I glanced up at him and saw a mess of brown hair. I didn't know who this person was. How did he know my name? Obviously, he knew me, so I would just have to pretend I knew him. 

I followed the man's instructions, copying his breathing and naming the things I felt and saw around me. 

The voice spoke again, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from. "Are you alright, Tommy? Did you have a nightmare?

I let out a shaky breath, "....yes. I did. But can I tell you something? You have to promise you won't get angry at it."

The man let out a soft sigh but nodded his head. "Go on, I promise I won't be angry with you."

I took a deep breath, "I have no idea who you are." The man's face fell in an instance, and he looked absolutely heartbroken. Ignoring him, I continued, "and I don't know where I am. My whole body hurts and everything feels so wrong. I have these marks and scars all over my body but I don't understand how I got them. Please help me..." I broke out into a quiet sob, feeling like this man only wanted the best for me. 

A few minutes of silence passed, but eventually, he spoke up. "Oh, I'm really sorry, this all must be really frightening for you. Well, hopefully, you'll be able to remember eventually. I'm Wilbur, and I've been your friend for quite a while now. As of right now, I'm your caretaker."

I looked at "Wilbur" and nodded my head. "Okay Wilbur, do you know anything about where I am or the pain everywhere in my body?" He noticeably grimaced at this, but he kept quiet. "Please," I whispered, "I need to know." 

Reluctantly, he nodded his head. "Alright Tommy, I'll tell you. I found you laying on the sidewalk last night. You asked to go out for a walk, and of course, I said sure. You had been doing so well. I tried calling you, but you wouldn't pick up." He quietly sniffled. "I went out looking for you and found you. You were laying in a puddle of your own blood. You had cuts all over your body. I'm so sorry I didn't look for you sooner!"

I tilted my head and rolled up my sleeve. I had a huge line going right in the middle of my arm, and it hurt, so I guess he wasn't lying. I rolled up my other sleeve, and the same mark was there too. 

I looked back up at him. "So, what happened? Why can't I remember anything?"

Wilbur glanced up at me and sighed. He stepped a little closer to me and looked intently at my eyes. He stepped back after a second and sat on the floor. 

"Alright Tommy, I'll tell you as much as I know. I'm sorry I missed all of your dissociating, so I'm guessing that's what the memory issues are all about. But when I found you last night, I found a note on your body. I think you tried to kill yourself... I'm so sorry I never noticed any of that happening. I thought you were getting better, but I guess I just wasn't looking out for you." 

I just stared at him. I heard what he said, but none of it made any sense. I... tried to kill myself? What the hell? And dissociation? I don't even know what that is, let alone could ever have it.

I stood up and walked past him. He looked so fragile sitting there on the ground, but I didn't want to hurt him any more than I already did. 

I walked out through what I presumed was the front door, and started down the cold sidewalk. I guess I wasn't wearing any shoes, but I wasn't heading back now. How am I supposed to let someone I don't remember take care of me when I've already hurt them so much? I just couldn't go it. I may be selfish, but I'm not a mean person. 

Eventually, I came across a spot I recognized. It was a small and private little bridge, not very high off the ground. I glanced around, and let off a breath of relief when I saw that no one was around, at least that I could see. I sat down on the bridge and started crying. 

Where am I? Why can't I remember anything vaguely important? My body hurt so badly, but my mind was so much worse. It felt so fucking heavy like I would pass out at any moment. 

There were so many thoughts swirling around in my head, but they didn't feel like mine. What happened to me?

WILBUR POV; 

I shouldn't have let him leave. He didn't even know who I was, but I couldn't stop him. My body just wouldn't move. It was so heavy, but I couldn't do anything about it. I was stuck. 

What happened to Tommy? Just yesterday, he was yelling excitedly about how he and Tubbo played bedwars together. But now, now he was looking at me with dull eyes. 

I needed to call someone for help. I don't think I'll be able to do this alone. But who? Phil and Techno were always good options to call, but they're almost always busy. 

Tubbo would come immediately, but it would kill him to hear what happened. He's got so much going on, I don't want to burden him. 

There's always Niki, Dream, and/or George as an option, but I haven't talked to any of them in months. It would be really hard to just bring something like that up to them without any context. 

I lay on the ground, letting my body sink. What was I supposed to do? I can't call a hospital or the police and ask for help. They would just send him away, and I know that would just make everything so much worse. 

I really don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore....