EMPIRE [h.s]

12

the pic is for later in the chapter.

10150 words that's a long long chapter ! my longest one.

JUNE

two days later

It has been two days now since the incident, since Harry locked me in a small room by myself when I begged him not to, when I fainted due to fear and lack of eating, when he strangled me until having blue marks on my neck.

I didn't get out of my bedroom during these two days except for when I knew he was gone for I don't know why because I refused to talk to him even a word and I could feel like he would never wants to talks about his stuffs.

The way I felt when he carried me to my room that one night scares me. I felt safe in his arms, untouchable, protected, when he was actually helping me from the issue he created himself. All this mess started because of Harry and he puts it all on my shoulders, he acts like it was my will to be there.

I was loosing control step by step and I didn't want to. I need to have control even more in these kind of situations, I can't let myself go. I know that the second I loose the strand of control I have everything will go down in hell.

Giving myself to him would be incredibly wrong, it would be walking along my own death way. I know he doesn't care about me and will never do so why would I loose my time on giving him attention and filling my head with all this thoughts.

But me on the other hand, I got attached to people really quick. Someone can give me the smallest attention and it would mean the whole world for me, I would believe they appreciate me when they are just trying to be civil. But the thing is I get tired really quick too, too quick.

I had some boyfriends before Aiden but it never last, majorly because I was young but also because it only took one little thing that I didn't like and it was over. It could be a bad thought or a bad action to me or even something that loathed me, I always got tired with anyone and anything, I think my mom, Maya, Macy and Aiden are the only people I didn't get tired of.

Aiden changed that for me, we've stayed together for about 3 years and a half and I've never get tired. But it's paradoxal because the relationship has never been entertaining, we've never been on holidays together, except with his parents, we've never did a thrilling activity, except with his parents, we've never did something crazy, special, romantic, nothing.

We spent our entire relationship acting for his parents but I didn't mind it, they were lovely people and they needed their son close to them. but too much for me. But now that the relationship is over I realise that none of this was ok.

I've always dreamed of an extraordinary and passionate relationship but i've never been that lucky to find the guy that made my heart beat so fast and so hard.

I've always been in kind of boring relationships in which you find a routine soon, too soon. I need experience, I need adventures and I've never found that. I dream of that relationship where everyday is full of surprises, when you never get tired, when you do all you ever dreamed of, when you fall in love so madly you can't stay apart from your partner a whole day.
I need passion, I need love.

I've never met a guy that made my heart sway.
I've never met a guy that made me loose my mind.
I've never met a guy that me forgot about everything.
I've never met a guy that made my stomach flutters just by being next to him.
I've never met a guy that finally bring happiness in my life.
I've never been madly in love.

But despite everything I still chose to stay with Aiden, maybe because he was promising me a perfect life, because he was bringing me love, bringing me a safe place. I did love him, I still do. But I can't forgive him, not right now, I don't even know if he still loves me after all I did.