Ruins (The Jewel Project #6)

Bonus - Skye's Letter

Dear Sam,

How do I do it, Snowflake? How do I tell you to be strong, not to be afraid? How, when I'm terrified myself?

But I know I'll never mention it in the time we still have together. Because you'll know and because it wouldn't help you or me. I only have so much time in which I have to keep up my façade, continue to be strong. Then you'll have to pick it up and never let it go.

Like we practiced. Yes, it hurts, but it could've been worse. We could've never met. We could've never known happiness like we have this past year.

This time, you can't break down. Sammy needs you, and she's more important than anything in the world. And I need you. Need you to love her, care for her, make her a strong, confident woman. I need you to remember me, to have Sammy remember me.

I need you to be happy.

I don't want crazy promises. You're twenty-two and a single father. You'll need help, need love in your life. After all, you can't function without it.

Don't push everyone away on my behalf. That won't help you. Won't help Sammy. Won't help me.

Because, Snowflake, all I want is for you to be happy. I know this will be torture for a while, but just like everything in this life, it will get better. And this time, you already have a reason to smile. Someone to love. Babies pick up on mood very fast.

So don't lock yourself away. Live the life you would have wanted to live with me. Better yet, live a better life. One we would both be proud of, filled with kindness, love and laughter. Live your life for both of us. Because I'll always be with you. In your heart and in this letter you can read as much as you want. As much as you'll need to.

And I know you'll need it once you finally accept that you need to move on. And when you reach that point, I have this feeling that Christine might come for you. If she does, don't push her away on principle.

You did love her and I've always known a part of her was still there. After all, you love deeply and fully. If she is worthy, let her soothe your soul. Give her the letter I wrote for her. Don't feel guilty, because you're not betraying me, not forgetting me.

I'll always be with you, Sam. Because you've grown and I want to fool myself that it was also my doing. That I've taught you how to handle pain, how to turn it into strength. And this time, I'm sorry to say, you don't have the luxury to wallow in self-pity.

And there's no reason you should. We were happy. And even if I'm gone, you'll always have a part of me with you.

If you want to cry, cry, but do it at the funeral and be done with it.

Then, be grateful. Grateful that we met, grateful that we fell in love, grateful that we had Sammy. Grateful that we didn't have time to fight and resent each other, get divorced or whatnot. I'm kidding, I'm sure that would've never happened.

Remember us as we were.

There are only three things I want you to do for me. Yes, just three. Consider it a final request, or a will.

First and most important, tell Sammy about me. Let her know I was her mother, and that the woman caring for her is also a mother, but of a different kind. Please don't try to spare her this pain. She will become stronger for it.

Second, don't forget me. I don't want you to mourn me forever or not move on, but keep me in your heart forever. You were my one and only, so I want to know I was an important part of your life as well. When your time comes, I want you in the ground with me.

And third...Be happy. Be free. Laugh and smile. Live the life you want. You've earned this right.

Can I confess something? Ever since Sammy was born, I've been secretly afraid. Yes me, and yes I kept a secret from you. But I have been. Afraid that you'd be called on an assignment and then they'd let me know you were killed.

That we wouldn't both be able to go on adventures anymore because we risked leaving Sammy orphaned.

Life had become a lot more difficult, so now, at least I know that my fear of facing your death will never come true. Because you're facing mine.

So one last time, repeat after me.

I mustn't break down.

Sammy needs me.

We were happy so there's no reason to cry.

There's no guarantee for the future. It could be wonderful.

I can cry when this is over.

Then I will smile again. Find love again.

This is just another lesson for me to learn.

I will live this life for both of us.

I love you, Sam. And know that I'll always be in your heart, taking care of you.

Just take care of our baby and be happy. I wouldn't want it any other way.

Skye.