The Black Sisters

thirty-six

Dorea stood outside in the snow. Her shoes were wet, her eye lashes held snowflakes and her skirt had to be constantly brushed off due to the lingering snow. Her parents had company and told her to scatter. It was December 29th, the snow lightly drifted from the sky landing effortlessly on the already snow covered grass.

Dorea was happy to be back, though it was no Hogwarts. Her parents were still the same people they were, Dorea felt as if she was constantly contradicting herself. One moment she was siding with her family and to terrified to go on fighting and the next she was on top of the moon with a large cross bow pointed at her parents.

It was like she was standing on a tight rope, teetering on the same string she had been since day one. The rope beneath her feet was snapping as she stood. As if she spent to much time in the one spot, it was ready to give out. She had tried to continue but she'd coward away. Staying in the same spot to long was dangerous.

Especially when under this tightrope was no mattress with pillows, it was a deep canyon that ended with a dark black lake. Rumored to have poisonous parana's ready to snap. She felt a person whisper in her ear.

If she stepped back she'd be back at the start, she'd be back to being oblivious and ignoring the problems around her but if she stepped foward the whisper became a voice, one more step it became a yell and then a scream. She felt hopeless, cowaring on the rope as she looked to her side. She saw Sirius many steps in front of her, ready to take yet another. She looked to her other side and saw Regulus not even on the rope, he just stood on grass, his toe on the rope. He was ready to take the first step. He was close to the beggining.

Dorea stood a few steps on the rope but she was teetering with a leg out making her tip and turn. It wrecked her balance, but she was challenging the wind. If it pushed her into her death, why wouldn't she accept it? If you asked her just a week ago if she was at this point Dorea would say no. But here we are.

Dorea Belvina Black teetering on a tightrope, one leg out making her tip. Challenging the wind, challenging the world to make her fall. Fall down the canyon with nothing to hold onto. Let her fall, let her dive into the depths of the black river. What could happen?

If she took just two steps back she would be back at square one, and if she stood there to long tradgedy would strike and she'd get that mark. If she took 20 steps forward she'd find herself disowned, alone, without family. She saw Regulus stand at the edge, he looked to her and gasped, as she tilted, without a flinch she steadied. The wind pushed her back up. She looked to her other side and saw Sirius smirking at nothing. She caught his eye and he watched as she tilted his way. His smirk faultered but none of them knew what would happen if they should happen to fall. Dorea stood with her leg extended, the wind pushing her this and that. 

This most likely did not make any sense to anyone, but it didn't make sense to her either.

Her feet were very much on the ground, as she exited her thoughts. The snow crunched underneath her feet as they carried her toward the forest. She wondered who her aunt expected her to marry. Perhaps that would get her to move. Why she stood with her leg dangling, with her balance broken she didn't know. Sirius stood so composed, he stood not teetering at all. He knew what he wanted to do. He knew how he'd do it. He knew that this is what he wanted.

Dorea had felt like that, taking her three steps foward, she just didn't know what to do now that she didn't know what she wanted to do. It wasn't that she suddenly supported their cause it was that she was terrified of what they'd do if she didn't.

Frozen leaves crunched beneath her feet as she wandered. Her fingers tracing the old trunks of tree's. She felt unsure, worried, wobbling.

She wished she was as brave as James, as confident as Sirius, as smart as Remus, as kind as Peter.

She stood by herself in the woods. All alone. In this peaceful clearing. As she thought about the prior events.

She didn't know what to do.

How to do it.

And what she would say. 

But all she knew was that whatever she did she would not become a death eater, and she would never marry her own blood.

Dorea thought of Lila.

Lila's laughter, her whispers, her goofy self.

Dorea wanted to be a normal kid, who went on vacation, who made cookies with their grandma, who watched televison on Saturdays, who sat in their P.J's on Christmas in front of a glowing tree with presents under it. Dorea got one present from her sister that year, it was a small bronze bracelet. Dorea wanted to have had a normal childhood full of water guns, and bikes, full of cartoons and comercials. But in truth she'd only ever watched tv in the windows of muggle shops.

She was happy to be gone from Grimauld place

She was happy that she only had a few days before she got to go back to Hogwarts.

Just a few more months until spring, and the flowers would bloom, and the rain would fall, and everything would start over again. Just as it should've.

Because spring is a time to reset, a time to grow new flowers, and cut old stems.

She was sure she could do it

Because the rope beneath her was snapping, one string at a time, as she stuck her leg out the wind blew keeping her in place for the time being

As if warning her

That if she so happened to fall

There was no coming back

Once you hit the freezing depths it'd break every bone in your body and you'd sink down with the poisonous parana's

As the bubbles slowly leave your system, like a silent cry calling out to anyone on the surface

Maybe if she fell someone would pull her out

Maybe if she fell and every bone in her body broke, if she sunk to the bottom of the river, someone brave and selfless would pull her out

One day

Some day

Someone would love her enough to pull her broken body out of the depths

She could leave all this indecision behind her and by spring she'd be able to make a decision

But only if she so happened to fall

Which couldn't ever happen, the wind would hold her up 

right?

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My dudes this entire chapter was so hard to write

I hope you guys understood my tight rope 

I wish you guys could hear me read this aloud because sometimes I worry my writing sounds funky to other people but idk

I really like this chapter

She could leave all this indecision behind her and by spring she'd be able to make a decision

I hope you guys do to

It's been stormy all day where I am so please stay warm and cozy where ever you are

I hope quarentine isn't to rough where you guys are, it'll get better I hope

please pretty please have a good day/night 

I know i say that every time but just make the most out of it, whatever that means to you, go grab a snack if that makes you happy, go drink so water, go pet your dog or cat, or stay where ever you are whatever makes you happy

okay okay I'll shut up now last nights authors note was all over the place so I'm sorry about that.. I had a long day and wanted to write and I poured all my remaining emotional energy into it and I felt so much better but so much more tired lol

I love you guys

-Caroline