fifty-two

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Remus sat there staring for a moment, his mouth bobbing open and closed. He didn't know how to respond though Sirius had told him he hadn't expected Dorea to know. Dorea remained staring directly into Remus' eyes, she was furious but broken and fragile. She didn't know how to function or how to feel. She wouldn't let him know that.

"Puff-"

"there is nothing you could say to make this any better. His dying wish was for me to marry regulus, my cousin. If I don't I would be disrespecting his last hope but if I do I will never be happy, stuck under a roof with a man I do not love like that." she turned her gaze to the window. "and I can't leave."

"You can, you can come stay with me or James, even Peter"

"no. I can't leave my mother there alone, no matter how much she hates me she is incapable of living alone like that. She can't function and I am not a monster. I am not a coward."

"you wouldn't be a coward Dorea, you'd be saving yourself."

"Remus, if I leave I will be leaving my mother to die. I can't just leave her there."

"Puff your sisters will take care of her."

"who? Bellatrix has no humanity left, she'd leave mother to die in a heart beat heck she'd pearce mother with a dagger if Mother asked. Narcissa is so oblivious, blinded by her love and new life. Maybe in a few years she'd grow some senses but now? no. And Andie is gone."

"I have to stay, because if i leave I am a coward"

"Dorea you are brave, and intelligent you can make the right decision, your house elves will take care of your mother she will be okay. Dorea you can't keep thinking of everyone before yourself you matter and every moment you stay with them you get hurt more."

Dorea watched the tree's pass by. She imagined herself on the tight rope again. Sirius was on step away from the other side, Regulus was beside her they sat in perfect unisin, blowing with the wind as if leaves on a tree. If she left she'd be leaving Regulus, but Regulus had Sirius. If she left she'd be leaving her sisters.

"Moony, my mother is ill, mentally incapable. She hasn't stepped out of bed, always drunk, can't function on her own-"

"Dorea you're 13. You can't handle all of this, your mother will be fine with your house elves. You are blinded by the death of your father, you think you have to do everything yourself." Dorea didn't respond.

"Remus you act like I have a choice." after a long while she whispered, her voice cracking ever so slightly "you act like I can just leave, it's not that easy. i can't just pack up and leave like andie did, she had someone waiting for her on the other side."

"You can stay with any of the mauraders, you have people. You aren't a coward for looking out for yourself"

Remus didn't know what he'd said. Everyone in the Black family was only looking out for themselves, her mother, her father, and Bellatrix. Everyone had their own piece on the playing board and would do whatever it takes to stay in the game. You can forfeit, or be killed, or be kicked off but until then you play until you die.

"Remus, I am not going to leave my mother there to die, I have said that. I just can't."

"Puff-"

"no. I can't leave her there, I can't be the reason she died"

"Dorea she won't die you aren't thinking straight" he yelled

"and neither is she. she will send the elves away she will hurt herself, kill herself even she can't be alone"

"she's alone right now"

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