Aliens!?//BILLIE EILISH

Chapter 4

"look, im sorry, i shouldn't have said it that way. i just need some space, billie. physical space." that hurt to say. i didn't want space. i wanted to be so close to her that every inch of her skin was touching mine, but i couldn't. i had to protect myself.

billie pov

i look at y/n sympathetically as my eyes trail down from hers to her hands that are picking at the skin around her nails. all i want to do is hold them to stop her but i am just still, across the room, afraid to move.

she won't look at me. she is just staring at the ground, weak and hurting. what did i do? she wants me to stop touching her? get away from her? 

"y/n..." i say, but i dont move

she just sobs. resting her head in her hands. "y/n, can you tell me what's wrong so i can help?" i lean forward slightly, looking down and across the blue-tinted room so I could meet her eyes if she would just look at me.

"can you look at me?"

"no!" she is still bawling her eyes out.

at this point, the two of us have been stuck in this room, bonding for who knows how long and we haven't even slept yet. i begin to feel the effects of this and all I want to do is hold the poor crying girl and sing her to sleep.

she would love that. i know she would. she loves my music and she loves me. that angel sitting across from me, loves me. just that thought alone brings warmth to my heart and butterflies to my stomach, but i snap out of my thoughts as y/n finally begins to settle down.

"can I tell you a story, y/n?" i say as i sit cross-legged on the floor, facing her.

she just nods her head in response.

i take a deep breath, as i am about to come out to someone. "y/n, when i was 12, i met a girl. her name was cameron and she was very pretty."

y/n looks up from her hands, her red, puffy eyes peering into me, confused.

"cameron would always hang out with me and zoe. we would play games together and we were both counselors at a local horse-riding camp. we had so much fun running around, feeding horses and teaching lessons. i made a mistake. i pushed zoe away to hang out with cameron more. i didn't know why i was drawn so strongly to her, but i just was. she would be mucking stalls, covered in dust and mud, and i would watch from outside and sing to her. i blushed whenever she would hold my hand as we were walking or give me a hug when she went home. i didn't ever want it to stop." i was staring down at my hands as i recalled this story but i looked up to see how y/n was reacting to this and she was lying on her stomach with her head in her hands. 

"continue", she said.

"well, soon it changed from being good when she would hold me and we would be together, to being bad whenever she was away. now, all i could think about was seeing her again and i still didn't put the pieces together. i continued to push away zoe and beg for cameron to come hang out with me. from all of my pushiness, cameron began distancing herself from me." i looked up yet again to see y/n with tears brimming her eyes. i continued to speak as i slowly brought myself off of the floor, gradually making my way over to the angel on the ground.

"this hurt a lot, and eventually i confronted her about it and do you know what she told me?" i brought myself back down to the floor, rubbing y/n's lower back.

"what ?" she asked turning her head to look at me, the redness in her eyes fading ever so slightly.

"she said that i was making her uncomfortable by holding her hand and begging her to hang out. she said, and i quote 'i am not gay, billie.' this struck me deep. me neither. i wasn't supposed to be gay. was i acting gay?"

"yes, billie, you were" y/n said with a chuckle, answering my rhetorical question.

i playfully rolled my eyes as i brought my hand up to mess up her hair. "anyway, i soon came to the realization that i did like her, and i had to get over that with only zoe. she was the only person i could tell because she was struggling with her sexuality as well."

i went back to rubbing y/n's back "so, moral of the story is, my love language is physical touch, and after that instance occurred, i stopped trusting myself and rejected anyone who showed interest in me. to protect my heart, you know?"

"i actually do know." she said, looking down at her hands and getting up off of her elbows. "a very similar thing happened to me actually."

y/n proceeded to tell me the story of what happened between her and her friend, shelby. she then told me that that is why she wanted to stay away from me. even though i felt bad that she was so afraid to be broken again, i found it kind of cute that i had that affect on her.

as i was listening to her share, i continued to rub her back and periodically give her hugs. she asked me to please be less physical with her because she couldn't bare the prospect of falling for someone that didn't like her back again. this is when i said words i never expected, "what if i did like you back?"

her face turned red as she painfully slowly turned her head to face me and met my eyes with the utmost of disbelief.

"y-you what?" she asked.

"i like you, y/n." i said again, fully realizing how true the words were as they came out of my mouth.

"oh... okay!" she said with a big smile and giggle as she tackled me to the ground with hugs and i turned her over to her side so i could cuddle her and bury my face in her hair. we slept our first night in pure bliss, though i really wish we could get a bed in here or something, the floor is uncomfortable as hell.

a/n: yall, someone voted on this shit, i guess if one person likes it ill keep it going ;-)