Traitor: A Draco Malfoy Story

twenty-six

"You have to write every day because I'm going to write every day, and you have to tell me what you get, and you have to tell me all about your Christmas!"

Jenna was rambling as we packed, but I wasn't paying that much attention. I hadn't told her about Barb and John or my foster sisters. I knew it would bring her whole mood down, and she was so excited about Christmas break. I wasn't going to ruin it for her. So I forced a smile and replied with my nicest, "I will." It wasn't her fault I wouldn't be going home for Christmas.

I'd be taking the train with the rest of the students to King's Cross, and then getting off with Harry, Ron, and Hermione to go to Grimmauld Place. I hoped it wouldn't be as dreary as it sounded. It would already be bad enough just by not being New York City. New York Christmases were gorgeous.

I shut my suitcase with a sigh. As much as I hated to say it, because of all the pain and inconvenience this school has caused, I would miss Hogwarts. Maybe I'd just miss the people that filled its halls. Maybe I'd just miss him. 

I rubbed my face with my hands as if I was trying to scrub my feelings away. They were just moments. They were only ever just moments. He's not the type to care, so don't let yourself either.

I pulled the trunk off the bed half-heartedly and plastered a smile on my face before turning back around to face Jenna and walk with her to the train. I didn't know if I could do this all day.

The train was full of people laughing, chatting, and singing carols in their little groups. I grimaced. Jenna hurried us along to a compartment where Ethan and Ashton were waiting. Ethan was wearing a Santa hat, and Ashton had on a cute ugly sweater that said, "Gimme All the Hippo-gifts!" in an arch around a winged bird-lion. It was a cute play on words. Something Lilian would wear. They don't exist to me anymore. I don't exist to them.

I tried my hardest to get into their conversation, to hear about their traditions.

"One year," Ethan was saying. "Jenna swore that she wouldn't go to bed until she'd caught Father Christmas. She made Mum and Dad turn the Christmas tree into a portkey so that when he touched it, it would take him straight to the trap she'd set up in her room. Only, when Dad was putting the presents under the tree that night, he forgot about the portkey plan and he was the one that Jenna ended up trapping. She was so mad she didn't talk to mum and dad for a week!"

Ashton and Jenna were cracking up. I cracked a small genuine smile. I had to admit, that story was pretty cute.

"What about you, Azalea?" Ashton said, turning to me. "What do you do to celebrate Christmas in New York?"

"Well," I took a deep breath. "The past couple of years that I was with Barbra, John, Rae, and Lilian, we would always go to Macy's, the big department store on 34th Street for a Christmas Eve treat and Barb would let us girls each pick out one thing between thirty and forty dollars. We'd go back to the apartment and John would bake cookies and make the Christmas Eve dinner. We'd all sit around the little table and we'd eat and talk about how we thought Santa got from place to place so fast, and how much we appreciated each other. Then we'd send Lilian to bed, and Rae and I would help with some of the gift wrapping. We'd wake up the next morning, usually when Lilian did because that girl was a bundle of energy, and John would make cinnamon rolls for breakfast and we'd open gifts and stay in our pajamas for the morning. If it would snow, we'd go out to Central Park and go sledding, maybe get some hot chocolate, but...not this year. I mean, they'll probably be doing all that just...without me."

Ethan furrowed his eyebrows. "Why not?"

I glanced at him for a second, then looked through the frosted compartment door. "I'm going somewhere else for Christmas this year. Couldn't get back."

"Didn't you come here by Floo Powder? You can totally get back," Ashton said, confused.

"I just--" I started to snap, but I tried to make my voice as calm as possible. "I just can't get back, okay? I need some air." I stood to leave.

"Hey, Azalea, what's wrong?" Jenna asked, concern in her voice.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I said as I slid the door open and slipped out.

I wandered down the train until I was in the back with the animals. I remembered the sounds from when I'd been back here before when I'd been excited about the prospects of learning magic and being in a new place. Back when I thought I was getting myself into a special dance school, not a dark, twisted fairy tale I happened to be starring in. I sat down next to Gemini's cage and petted him through the bars. "It's just you and me, now," I whispered as I stroked his fur. "You're my only family." 

After a little I stood, knowing that my trio of friends would probably be worried about me, and began to head back. We'd be pulling into King's Cross soon, anyway.

As I made my way back to my compartment, a door next to me slid open and a hand caught my upper arm. "Beckett."

"Malfoy," I greeted.

"Can I... Can I talk to you? For a second." His grip was gentle this time, not at all like the last time he'd grabbed me. He seemed tentative like he was afraid to touch me, as though I might break. I understood, he'd watched me destroy the entirety of the Astronomy Tower. He probably thought I was unstable.

"Sure," I said, trying to remain as nonchalant as possible.

"I have something for you." He handed me a wooden box.

I blushed in embarrassment. "O-oh," I stuttered. "I didn't get anything for you, I can't take this." I tried to hand it back it him but he stopped me.

"Beckett, I have everything I could ever want. I don't need anything else. Please just take it." He pushed the box back over to me. "Open it."

I glanced at him through my lashes, registering the look of hesitation and anticipation on his face, two expressions that seemed foreign on someone who usually exuded confidence. I lifted the lid of the box.

A twinkling version of "The Dance of the Swans" began to play, and a miniature ballerina in a glittering white tutu danced with the music. Only, it wasn't like any music box ballerina I'd ever seen. She had been enchanted so it truly looked as though she was real, the steps of the variation almost perfectly done like she was a real person. It was breathtaking. I didn't know if he knew how important this dance had become to me.

"It's..." I'd almost become emotional. "It's beautiful." I threw my arms around him. He stumbled back in shock and tensed before putting his arms hesitantly around my body.

"I'm not going to break, you know," I smirked against his chest. He relaxed slightly, though still on edge. 

"I know." He said softly. "You never have." He gently pulled back and I pulled away from the hug. "Even when I tried." 

He looked at his hands, twisting the ring on his pointer finger back and forth. After a second, he looked up. "Well anyway. I know you'll think of me when you open the music box." He smirked. "Try to do so in moderation. I can't be occupying all your thoughts."

"Don't worry," I smirked back. "I won't think about you at all." I started to back away but he snatched my wrist and pulled me back to him, our faces inches from each other.

"You better, Beckett," he said lowly. His smell was intoxicating and I struggled to catch my breath.

"Or what, Malfoy?" I challenged, my voice soft.

"Why don't you just find out?"

I rolled my eyes, then smiled sweetly before making my way out the door. "Maybe I want to."

He laughed. "Of course you do."

I was almost in the hall when he called out again. "Hey, Beckett?"

I peeked back into the compartment. "Yes?"

"Happy Christmas."