Drowning In Secrets

Its all my fault...

It all happened so fast, one minute jay found himself stood in the living room, then he was holding taylors stab wound begging her to stay and now he's stood in the middle of meds waiting room doused in taylors wine red blood, his number one girls blood...He couldn't think straight, that was until hank placed a hand on his shoulder, "jay c'mon man, take a seat..." he spoke calmly and guided jay over to a chair.

The second jay sat down, he broke down and put his head in his hands, the rest of the unit were all sat just as gobsmacked as he was, "it's all my fault" he whispered just so hank could hear. Hank squeezed his shoulder, "don't do that to yourself jay, Taylor wouldn't want you to blame yourself" he answered his best detective back. Jay shook his head and sat back, not caring wether he got blood everywhere, "no it is, I left her alone. If I didn't leave her none of this would've happened..." he ran his bloody hand through his hair, once again not caring about the mess. Hank shook his head, "no one could've predicted this jay, don't be so hard of yourself. She's strong, she'll pull through" he smiled sadly.

                 Jay nodded, if only he could believe him.  His own mind was tiring him out, his clothes were stained with the images imprinted on both his shirt and in his mind, his heart beat was going ten to the dozen and he didn't know what to do with himself.  Taylors the love of his life, he regretted leaving her alone, it solved nothing, he's still having nightmares, he needs her more then she'll ever know yet here he was, sat in the waiting room to a hospital his brother works at waiting to hear if his future wife is dead or alive.  "Jay...Jay..." hank waved his hand in front of his face, jay snapped out of his trance and looked at his boss, "we're gonna go make a start on the case, did she say anything? Any clues?" He smiled sadly.

              Jay frowned but remembered what she said, "yeah uhm, she said Damon. He did it, no doubt about it" he sighed.  Hank nodded, "who's Damon?" He smiled sadly again, jay huffed, "her ex boyfriend, he happened months ago and if I'm being honest I don't think he treat her right from what I experienced with him, so he's the guy we should be looking for" he nodded.  Hank smiled sadly, "we'll start with him then, and jay, please stay with her. She's gonna need you more then anyone, I'll have someone fetch you some clean clothes but I want you benched. You're too close to this..." he sighed sadly.  Jay didn't even have the energy to argue back as much as he would love to kill Damon himself, he was exhausted.  He nodded and watched the unit leave as they tapped him on the shoulder for reassurance.

                  A few hours later jay was still sat in the waiting room of med, he'd been getting regular updates from Adam or Kevin about the case but he hadn't heard anything about Taylor yet, and even after pestering Will about 1 millions times for answers, there was still nothing on her condition.  He was now in clean clothes and he was a little more rested up, not much, but a little was enough to keep him going.  That was until Will and dr Marcel walked out, he stood up and walked over to them straight away, "how is she?" He spoke shakily.

                 Dr Marcel smiled sadly, "she's stable, still asleep, but she's breathing on her own. We had a few complications during surgery but we managed to repair the internal bleeding. She's lost a lot of blood but she's had a transfusion and she's on the mend" he nodded.  Jay sighed in relief and let go of the breath he didn't even know he was holding, "can I see her?" He spoke quietly and held back his tears, Will smiled, "come on" he nodded and lead jay into her room which wasn't far from the ED since she was still classed at critical care.

                Will and dr Marcel left jay alone with Taylor, she looked so peaceful compared to how he saw her last, she still had a pale face but she wasn't covered in blood at least.  "Hi baby, I'm here it's okay. I'm right here..." he sat down and grabbed her hand as he pulled it up to his lips, a few tears ran down his cheek and trickled down taylors hand.  "I'm sorry Tayls, so sorry..." he whispered and placed his head on her hand.  He felt so guilty, like all of this was his fault, if he had never left her alone, she'd still be here with him and the two would probably be sat at work joking around right now, not in the hospital with Taylor fighting for her life.

He pulled out his phone after sitting with his head on her hand as he held it tightly for about 10 minutes, he needed to let the team know how she was.
Jay: "she's out of surgery, dr Marcel said she had a few complications during it but he managed to fix all of the internal damage. She's had a transfusion since she lost a lot of blood but she's stable and on the mend"
Hank: "that's great jay, I told you she'd pull through. Just be with her, we're nearly there with the case. Keep us posted if anything changes and We'll all stop by med after shift"
Jay: "copy that Sarge"

With his heart at rest a little more he put his head back into taylors hand and closed his eyes, "I love you..." he whispered and kissed the back of her hand before going back to resting his head against it and attempting to doze off even though he just couldn't.

                 A few hours later jay was still in the same place he was when he put his phone down, he couldn't leave her, not even for a coffee.  That was until he heard a gentle knock at the door, "hey man, figured you'd want this..." Will walked over and handed him a cup of coffee.  Jay smiled sadly and took it, "thanks..." he kept a hold of taylors hand.  Will frowned, "she's gonna go okay..." he sat down next to him, jay nodded slowly, "I should've been there..." he started.  Will sighed, "don't do this to yourself, she loves you man and you love her. Whatever happened can't change that..." he nodded.  Jay sighed, "Damon happened, that's what" he scoffed. 

                   Will picked up on his anger, "I know you're mad but just try and focus on Taylor, she's all that matters right now. Oh, and please get some sleep jay, you look like shit" he added and stood up.  Jay laughed a little, "yeah whatever" he nodded and watched his brother leave to get back to work. Jay didn't get long to himself again before hank walked in with the team, "how is she?" His boss smiled sadly and sat next to him. Jay shrugged, "same as before, dr Marcel said she should wake up within the next day or two" he looked back over to his resting girlfriend who was probably in immense pain. Hank nodded, "Damon's been booked off to county, he'll get life. I'll make sure of it" he spoke angrily, the team nodded, they all wanted justice for Taylor.