Review: To tell you the truth I really liked your book. I loved the title and the cover was so beautiful. I also liked the description of how you started with one of the dialogue scenes. The idea of the girl going to another dimension was creative. The story plot was what had me going. There were so many awesome twists that keep the readers engaged. The grammar was also perfect. I really enjoyed reading the first 2 chapters. I enjoyed reading your book. You should keep the good work!
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Review: The title and the cover were kinda interesting and it was beautiful. I loved the description that you gave in the book. The plot so far was overall good. Love how you made the other creepy stalker. I liked his character because I liked how he literally knows everything which is creepy but it’s cool. The grammar was perfect but I think you should make the dialogues small like you literally introduce the dialogue every time. You don’t have to show it all the time. I really enjoyed the book. But I think you just need a little time to work on the small mistakes that you have but so far it’s good.
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Notes: You managed to make me feel all sorts of ways. I hate Brittany? But I think that’s intended. If not. She’s lost all points with me. She’s perfect and so are the other mean girls. They infuriate me. So good job! Melissa, I feel for you. So one of my biggest pet peeves that turns me off a story is the overuse of commas. I can usually forgive spelling without an issue but comma overuse drives me batty!
You don’t need a comma between two items connected by “and”. For instance, you put:
“Glenn pulled an antenna from the device, and waved it around the room erratically.”
Grammatically you should write it instead without the comma like so:
“Glenn pulled an antenna from the device and waved it around the room erratically.”
You should only use commas when connecting two independent clauses. If the sentence is connecting two different things such as:
It’s raining outside, and I forgot my umbrella. (using the comma is correct) Back to the quote I mentioned in your book:
“Glenn pulled an antenna from the device, and waved it around the room erratically.”
Shouldn’t have the comma before and because it’s connecting the same thing.
Another example of overused: You wrote:
“It looked like a hologram of a person, with its long, flowing locks and big feet.” What you should do is:
“It looked like a hologram of a person with long flowing locks and big feet.” (I also took out “it's” because it’s unnecessary)
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