Moonlight l.s

Chapter 12

Some days went like that, some days were more depressing than others. Louis wasn't exactly ignoring Harry but he wasn't exactly answering him either. Liam was out a little more, always driving around or doing something to distract his mind, or so he says. Niall was always versing Harry in FIFA, telling jokes whenever he got the chance. Taking Harry's thunder but Harry didn't mind. It wasn't really who he was anymore. Zayn was trying new hobbies, like starting to paint and got himself a girlfriend. Harry was happy for him but that also means he was out more which sucked. Most nights were by himself or just with Niall. One weekend was spent with Anne and Gemma, nice to see the family healthy and busy.

Zayn, Liam and Niall saw Louis a little more often, Harry only once. Not really feeling it and felt as Louis felt the same in return. Going slow was better than never at all.

Today, April 13th, it was raining again.

Harry personally loved the rain. Calmed him down when in distress. Soothing and memorizing. The best people love the rain. Louis loved the moon light. Harry thinks the only reason he loves the moon so much was because that's how Louis met Harry. It was when the moon was out and it's light was shining down right onto Harry, everyone else was a mere shadow but Harry was the glow to the room, as Louis said.

Harry was alone in his thoughts, totally zoned out. No one but him was in the room, the boys were all doing their own things. Niall was in Ireland for spring break, Zayn with Gigi, his lover and Liam was visiting a friend.

Harry wanted to run free in the rain, so he did. Harry swore if he ran down these stupid halls and stairs again he would lose it, or honestly just move out.

It was late, he was barefoot, clouds surrounding every inch of the sky, clothes already sticking to his body, droplets touching down on his skin looking up into the dusk of the world above. Harry was running as fast as he could down a one way sidewalk, his destination only being in reach. He ran until he couldn't anymore arriving in front of the gated community, pushing through the fence surrounding miles of the landscape. Harry walked down rows of different names and meanings. Harry found the one that meant most to him, the only one for him.

Kneeling to feel like at eye level and staring up at the stars positioned, Harry looked like he was asking for amends, praying to get an answer. "Louis!" Harry yelled up at the sky, knowing his Lou was listening. "I love you."

After months of not being able to step foot in this particular cemetery, Harry overcame this growing fear. Harry overcame the freight of what the outcome could possibly be. It was like meeting Louis for the first time again. Except in a worse manner. Harry just sat there still kneeling on the grass in front of the gravestone, smiling to himself whispering some more 'I love you's'. Meaning it everytime.

Harry tried to keep it together and be strong because he knows that is what Louis would want. Always so put together and in touch with his feelings, never wanting to see Harry sad. One of the many reasons why Harry loved Louis so much, the dream person for so many people and Harry messed with his luck. Not till his dying day will Harry not blame himself for letting him go and get on that plane, he knows it wasn't exactly his fault. Harry was just upset that his touch was right there but not close enough for reach.

Harry pulled out a piece of paper he had soaking into his back pocket. Reading it out loud changing his position to standing up feeling like it was more formal.

Louis,

In five months, wow five months, writing it feels harder than saying it. I haven't done much since you have left, I wrote a song like you said I should. I just wish you could have been here when I actually wrote it. I know you would have been proud of me. I could sing it to you sometime if you want. It reminds me a lot of you, because it is about you. The boys miss you a lot, you know? The three of them cry a lot and I heard they visit you more than I have too. Liam has been out more, I wish i could do something about it just like i should have for you. He talks about you a lot. Zayn is in a new relationship. She's a really nice and pretty girl, I know the two of you would get along really well. Zayn is doing alright, misses you atoo. Niall though is hilarious. I know the two of you thought you were so funny playing pranks and saying your best jokes and pick up lines. Even though I never laughed, I personally thought you were the funniest and hottest person in the room. The boys really loved you. You were the glue to the group. We all miss you tons. Miss the love you showered over us and little gifts you surprised us with. Miss the tickle fights and cuddles before falling asleep in each other's arms and drifting off into a deep sleep. I miss when we went to my mom's and tried making pancakes and instead you dumped the batter all over my head. I miss our first trip together and our first kiss. I miss the days we would just lazily spend in bed and how we would plan our future together. I miss you. I still think you are right next to me, and internally you can say you are.

People always try to find the good after someone's death, and say how you should look on the bright side instead of staying in the dark. But I think that's bullshit. Because without you I feel lost and so utterly sad. Without you there is no one to laugh at after I share an embarrassing joke, no one to help dress up the boys for a night out, no one to go out to the store to buy my favorite body wash. No one to bring to the pool on a hot summer day, no one to decorate the christmas tree with or trip little kids when trying to get extra easter eggs because we always wanted them to ourselves. I wanted myself all to you, I wanted you to complete me until our dying days. Where one of us dies before the other and then whoever is left dies soon after because of heartbreak. I looked it up and I guess it is an actual thing.

Without you the moon doesn't shine as bright as it used to.

I just want you here one more day, because I'm tired of sleeping alone.

You said you'll love me till the end, now I know you did.

Yours forever,

Harry

Harry's tears melted into the rain dripping down his face, throat tight and nose stuffy. He laughed and bowed acting like he just won something but instead lost everything. The everything being whatever revolved around Louis. Except Harry felt like he accomplished something, and was moving on. Moving on as in without Louis next to him and taking his every step holding his hand. Because when the seasons change from summer to winter, or the leaves blossom and then fall. Or when the bluest of skies turns to the darkest of night, Louis will still be there every step of the way. And he couldn't wait to hear all about it.

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i'm done...CRYING AHHHH
Hope you enjoyed it:) Thank you if anyone did eventually read this!
Hope the rest of your day or night is wonderful