"Just Friends"

6

(1790 words)
It had been a rough few weeks. Calvin and I had hung out in the group twice, but not talked at all. He wouldn't look in my direction, he wouldn't fake flirt with me, he wouldn't even talk to me if he could help it. It was like we'd never been friends at all.

    My mind kept traveling back to the conversation we'd had in my room that one morning. I wanted so badly to know what he was thinking, if he thought of me in the same ways I'd thought of him. It seemed like such a simple connection to make.

    "You didn't just make out with me, y'know, I made out with you too. I..." It was so straightforward, right? But my heart couldn't risk the fall if I was vulnerable and opened myself up and he rejected me. What if he was saying we both made mistakes we didn't mean to? I wanted to barf every time I had to fake a smile in his presence. I was no longer myself at all, I barely recognized my reflection. What I hated most about the whole situation is that I'd let some guy do this to me, to hurt me like this. But in all truthfulness, Calvin wasn't just some guy.

    Despite Calvin's lack of attention to me, I'd have to be stupid to not see Ally glancing my way every 5 seconds. Whatever she knew or thought, she was keeping it to herself for now. For now. We were all sitting in Cal's living room, Ally had dragged me alone after I'd run out of empty excuses.

    "I could really go for some snacks! Store run anyone? Ash?" She looked at me hopefully and jiggled the fat on her stomach.

    "I'm okay, I'm not all that hungry." That was true, I hadn't been hungry in days, just force feeding myself enough to survive. I didn't really want to talk about it with Ally yet, I didn't want to talk to anyone. My stomach had a constant looming queasiness like I'd done something wrong.

    "I just ate," said Calvin without looking up from his phone.

    "Ooooooooo I could really go for some food." Brandon said.

    "Me too, I haven't eaten since lunch." Jake agreed.

    "Dude, it's 1 pm, lunch was an hour ago." Brandon wheeled himself towards the door.

    "I am not an unhungry man and there's nothing wrong with that." Jake clicked one of the brakes with his foot, causing Brandon to stop suddenly and jolt slightly, gaining Jake a punch to the arm.

    "I bet you a blow job you couldn't get around faster than me in this." said Brandon.

    "No way, I know I'd lose that and you haven't showered in forever."

    As they made their way to the door Ally looked expectantly at me.

    "You sure, Ash?"

    "Ummm..." I didn't want to be stuck with Calvin, who was still staring intently at his phone.    Would it be weird to go now? Too obvious? I felt trapped. "I'm okay." I regretted it as soon as I said it.

    The others left the apartment, off to get food, leaving Calvin and I alone on his couch. We both stared at our phones for a while, but it was getting so tense I wanted to cry again. Aghhghgh.

    "How've you been?" I asked awkwardly, still not looking up.

    "Mmm." He hummed in response. He really wasn't going to give me anything.

    "Can't use your words?" I tried to force a laugh, but it came out like a weird cough/laugh hybrid.

    "Mmm is a pretty universal meaning for 'fine.'" His tone was petty.

    I looked up at him, annoyed and anxious. My heart was starting to beat faster.

    "If you have something to say, you should probably actually say it, though. Not just Mmm." I sucked in my lips. A poorly veiled attack on our situation.