⚠️ warning: terribly written smut!
And it was 2am when I wrote this so the spellings horrible
THIS IS A JOKE! ITS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE! It's just out of boredom and jokes with friend like my Jeffree Star x Voldemort
Harry walked into Slug-PORN's class. Expecting only to be learning abt potions, little did the young Potter know...Whore-ace had some other things in mind...
"Hello Professor." Harry grinned widely, placing his books down where Ron and Hermione would usually be next to him, but strangely enough, neither of them had arrived...not even Hermione.
"Hello Harry..." Slughorn snarled, taking his eyes up and down the MINOR's body. "Have you been doing a lot of quidditch lately?" He asked, pouring a glass of fire whiskey for himself.
"A little sir, why?" "You just look a bit more muscle-y since the last time I'd seen you." "Ah. Thank you sir."
Slug-PORN turned away to adjust his trousers. Little did he know, Harry was squeezing his legs together, for some sort of friction.
"Should we start the potions sir?" Harry asked, shuffling a bit further away from Slug-PORN in an attempt to hide his whoreknee-ness.
"Oh. Yes. I suppose." Slug-PORN replied disappointingly. He took a swig of his fire whiskey before waddling over to the potions table.
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"So you just need to bend over like that..." slughorn smiled, going behind Harry as he reached across the table for the next ingredient.
Slug-PORN's hand travelled up Harry'a side before resting on the table, leaving Harry feeling sad and whimpering.
"P-p-p-p-p-professor????? WHAT R U DOING?" Harry shrieked as Slug-PORN's third leg lifted Harry's skirt by accident.
"WhT? Oh." Slug-PORN said looking down at the end of his stick, disapprovingly.
"Well Harry how else did you expect your mother was so good at potions??" "Throughly talent?" "Nah that bitch was a whore." Slug-PKRN CACKLED taking Harry virginity.
"WHAT abt VOLDEMORT??!!" Harry huffed, as Slug-PORN wasn't slowing down.
"I WAS HIS SEXUAL AWAKENING POTTAH!! THAT BOY WAS AS GAY AS THE MARDI GRAS AND I HELPED HIM SEE THAT!"
Lucky enough McGonnagal heard the whole thing and recorded it and ran to show Dumbledore.
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"DUMBLE-WHORE!" WE-A-RRR THE F-OU-K R YUUUU???" the Scottish woman SCREAMED.
"Here Minnie!" Dumbledore YELLED BACK. "THAT LI'LE SWIIIIYYNE! I Am GOING TO KILL HIM!" Minnie screamed throwing off her robe revealing her kilt-dress and black corset. "What happened Minerva??!!!" "SLUG-PORN HAPPENED!!!"
McGonagall sprinted to the other side of Dumble-Whore's study and yanked the sword of Gryffindor out of its case.
"VIVA LA REVOLUTION!!" she screamed, stabbing the sword into the ground then pulling it back and charging full-force through the door and towards Slug-PORN's office.
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Meanwhile at the potions room...
"PROFESSOR SLUG-PORN?!! WHAT THE FUCK??" Harry screeched as he was again plummeted into again by Slug-PORNS wand.
Suddenly there was a big BANG from the other side of the door.
"Oh! I wonder who that is..." Slug-Porn said, taking his wand out of Harry's cauldron mix.
And who came bursting through the door??
VOLDEMORT!
"WHORE-ACE YOU HORNY FUCJJERRR!" Tom yelled, leaping at Slug-PORN while sending curses straight at him.
"HOW DARE YOU TOUCH A STUDENT!! I MAY BE TRYING TO KILL HARRY BUT THAT DOESNT MEAN I WANT YOU TO DO IT FOR ME!!!" HE SKREACHED, yanking Harry out of the door.
"...thank you?" Harry said, straightening his skirt again. "You're welcome." Voldy said, still sending nasty spells and curses at the soon to be former potions teacher.
"WAAAT DO YOU THUUINNK YOUUU'R DOOOING?!!" A loud Scottish woman boomed into the room.
"PROCESSFOER!!" Harry cheered.
"YOU DO NOOOT UNDER ANAEY CIRCUMSTANCES TOOOOUCH A STUDENNNT!" She screamed, "U R FIYYYARD!" Sending a atomic bomb spell at Slug-PORN, sending him flying into the wall behind him. His body huntched over the wall as McGonnagal threw the Sword of Gryffindor at Slughorn, peircing his skin as it plunged into Slughorn's ass. Slug-PORN shrieked in pain and ✨pleasure✨ as his ass was penetrated by the metal. his eyes soon turned to where McGonaagglk's spell hit and watched the tomic bombs count down from 10
10... "thank you professor, and Voldemort...?"
9... "eh. Idc." Voldy said disgusted with himself that he just saved the kid who's supposed to kill him in the future.
8... "it's ALL RI"EGHT POTT'r" mcgonagall grinned.
7...
6...
5...
4... "shouldn't we run away from the explosiven??"
3... "yeah, probably."
2... "run. Now."
1...
"Give it a sec..." mechonal said, leaning on a nearby column, her hair flowing through the wind as her kilt-styled dress breezed in the wind.
BOOM!
Slug-Porn's dead.
Voldemort is gay???
Harry wears dressez??
McGinagll is a scottish stereotype???
And Dumbld-Whores useless...
And Author has lost their mind...
Words: 814
YOU ARE READING
Hp one shots
FanfictionOH MY GOD DON'T READ THIS ITS SO CRINGEY I WROTE IT WHEN I WAS 12-13 PLS ITS SO BAD THERE ARE SO MANY MISTAKES AND IT JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSE I'M SO SORRY I'm NOT taking it down because I know some people liked the stories (you're fucking crazy but...
