ocean eyes | m. mount

thirteen

* hi! sorry for the little wait between chapters. i decided not to upload any football related stories last week as on my other socials, i took part in the boycott. but we're back with another juicy chapter! vote and comment throughout!! <3 *

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Two months. Two long months of keeping things from my boyfriend, and continuing to sneak around to be with Mason. The worst part was knowing that Declan and I were stronger than we'd ever been. I feared that dip in our relationship, and I dreaded having to tell him. I still wasn't sure how to do it, and although I'd been seeing Mason much less of late, the feelings were still there. What Mason and I shared was something I struggled to put words upon.  Declan and I went from strength to strength. I just love him. But I love Mason.

The three of us were headed to Stamford Bridge, for Chelsea against West Ham. Kick off was at three P.M., and nerves were bubbling in my stomach. I was sitting on the West Ham side, in my Rice 41 shirt, and cheering on my boyfriend. I had to almost forget about Mason for the afternoon. Everything was on Declan. I was so confused, battling with the thoughts in my own head, and it was painful. It was tiring, and I had no idea how much longer I could keep it up, but I wanted to give everything to Declan again. I wanted him to be the only man in my life but thinking about losing Mason nauseated me.

After taking the medication I was prescribed by Alexia at the hospital, and since my diagnosis, I'd had two periods. They were still totally irregular, but that was better than not having a period at all. It gave me a little bit of hope. When I told Declan that I was on my period for the first time in what felt like a lifetime, he almost cried. Like me, he knew it was a step in the right direction. We were overjoyed at something so small, but I often found myself reminding us both that it wasn't necessarily enough to actually fall pregnant. We weren't trying. I couldn't face the disappointment.

Trying not to think about it was the only thing I could do. Everything happens for a reason.

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With my parents, Daisy and Mya beside me, my leg was nervously bouncing up and down. Despite dad being a die-hard Chelsea fan, he had to sit on the away side of the tunnel with us. If Chelsea were playing any other team and he was attending with me, I'd make sure we were on the side of the blues. Although today, we were all here to cheer on Declan. It all felt unusually bittersweet to me. Like this would be the last time. It was enough to bring me to tears, but it felt like the world was telling me that I couldn't keep this a secret anymore.

I almost broke down in tears when Declan turned to me and blew a kiss in my direction, his cheeky smile lighting up his entire face. I knew how pleased he was to have me here, on the West Ham side, proudly showing off his name on the back of my shirt. Declan was in total belief of things looking up for us. He told me everyday that he was thankful, and grateful to have me. He would constantly reiterate the fact that we made such a good team, and that we were perfect, and he never wanted to let me go. It was debilitating because I knew the opposite was very true. Soon, Declan would have no choice but to let me go, and to move on. He would lose the two most important people in his life. I had to take responsibility for that.

"He really loves you, huh?" Dad wrapped his arm across my shoulders and I smiled at him, so pleased to have him here. A long time had passed since we attended any football game together. "I can see it. He's so perfect for you, little Delly. I love Declan. He just fits so well into our family."

The overriding emotion was guilt. I couldn't lock it out or push it away. Getting on with things and putting on a brave face was the only way to get through this rough patch.