ocean eyes | m. mount

seventeen

* finally! a new chapter of ocean eyes is here and i am so sorry for making you wait! enjoy and please engage as you read! it means so much to me, and i love reading your comments! *

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Declan gave me a date to collect my things. I had to respect his wishes and stick to it, so I left Teddy at Mason's, and drove myself to Declan's. Just pulling up in the driveway pulled on my heartstrings and filled me with so much regret.

I had my suitcases in the back, not that I had many things to collect from Declan's really, when I still spent a lot of time at my own apartment. Now that I was free to be with Mason, that would be changing. I was in the process of moving everything I owned from my place to his. I knew for a long time that I wanted to move in with Mase, but it couldn't really happen until things were done with Declan. I'd spent every second thinking about how I'd hurt him since he found out that morning in the hallway. I hated myself for what I did to the man who I truly believed was the love of my life.

Being back on his doorstep with my suitcases in tow hurt more than I ever imagined. Maybe if I'd done this a long time ago, I wouldn't be in such a predicament right now.

This would be the last time I ever stepped foot into the house I really did want to call my home. Declan deserves better than me, than what I've given to him.

Locking the door behind me after entering, I carried my first suitcase upstairs and headed straight for the main bedroom. After preparing a mental checklist, I knew exactly what I needed and where it was currently living, just to make this whole process as quick as possible. It wasn't going to be painless; in fact, it would probably be the most painful thing I'd ever put myself through.

I couldn't be here too long. Overstaying my welcome would only make leaving more difficult. Despite being responsible for all of this and breaking Declan's heart, this place felt like home and we created so many memories here together.

Folding my clothes neatly was not my plan. It was a quick tug from their hanger or pull from their drawer, and throw into my suitcase, hoping everything would fit. They would all be going in the washing machine anyway, since I wanted to get rid of every single last memory from this place. I couldn't dwell on it forever. Removing Declan's scent and the scent of his home was the first thing on the list towards completing that.

I threw things into my suitcase like I didn't even care. Right now, I actually didn't. Going back home to Mason and Teddy was my absolute priority. This hurt a lot, and although I was to blame, I felt like I should never have let this happen. I didn't regret it, though. Mason kept telling me to just try and forget.

I pulled him away from his best friend. Their friendship dated back to long before Declan and I even met, but I was the one responsible for ruining what they shared. Their memories, their passion for playing football together, everything was gone. Mason felt like he couldn't even think about Declan because it hurt him too much, and he was sorry for what happened, but he reiterated constantly that I was worth it. He promised our relationship, although it had been a total secret for months, was worth losing Declan.

I knew he wouldn't say that if it wasn't true.

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With my suitcases in the hallway ready to leave, I let out an exhausted sigh, taking one final look around the bedroom. It still felt like home. I didn't want to leave. I knew that by leaving, I would be losing everything I once loved and once needed more than anything.