not my problem. - 𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐣𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐯

twenty nine

TAEHYUNG

I'm pathetic when I'm jealous.

It's something which I used to try to deny but quickly realised it was pointless to do so.  I wasn't fooling anyone but myself.

Truthfully, I'd always wanted to be the kind of boyfriend who didn't get jealous, and was able to be completely fine with his girlfriend meeting whoever, whenever, wherever - especially because with the exception of Kim YooJung JangMi had never once complained about a single one of my female friends.

However, it probably won't come as a surprise that I'd never been able to be that way when it came to her. 

I became green with envy every time I saw JangMi with a male co-star or even just a male friend.  I was sure at least one of the times we'd broken up must have been because I became covetous of a male she was close to.

Being with a girl like JangMi, every man that you saw was a potential threat.  Particularly among the celebrity circle I often felt like there was no one that wouldn't have jumped at the chance to take her away from me. 

That included the group.

Even amongst the other members, I'd sometimes suspected them of having feelings for her - especially the other maknaes. 

I knew they'd never dare act on those feelings, of course, but it didn't mean I wasn't aware that they existed.

One of the only people in our circle whom I had never once suspected of having romantic feelings for JangMi (ironic as it now was), was Han SeoJun.

As far as I was aware he despised JangMi. 

She'd told me of all of the horrible things that he did to torture her while he was a trainee at her agency, and, what was more, I'd heard him speak himself of how he hated her. 

Initially, it's what had stopped us from being friends.  Though JungKook wanted us to be civil I couldn't get over how much pain he'd caused her, and I was completely disagreeable around him at first (though I warmed up to him eventually).

I found some comfort in the fact that I didn't have to worry about him stealing JangMi away from me, and so I felt settled in his company.  That trust was why I'd accepted their living and dating arrangement when I first heard about it.  If it had been anyone else I would have disagreed.

I should have disagreed.

I'd always believed that JangMi and I were fated to be together, and I still did; but lately it felt like the whole world was trying to keep us apart.

What were the chances that he was her childhood friend from Busan, and that they'd both had a mutual friend in SeYeon? 

What were the chances that she happened to have been rushed into hospital on the same day that he needed an excuse, and that she needed a teacher, and that I just so happened to be unavailable to lend my services because of the tour?

'Bad' wasn't a word good enough to describe my luck at this point.

I used to think that the most painful goodbyes were the ones that you never got to say - but through this experience I realised I was wrong about that.

The most painful goodbyes are the ones that you know are coming, but can't prevent. 

If a goodbye was sudden, then at least you only felt the pain in the moment it happened.  However, when you knew that a goodbye was coming, and you fought as hard as you could to prevent it knowing your efforts would eventually be futile you not only had the pain of the farewell but the pain of knowing it was going to happen.